Damn You Pachelbel!

This guy performed at W&M and I remember that the only funny part was this closing song about Pachelbel. I like it, especially since I used to fall asleep to Canon in D mixed with gently crashing waves.

America has spoken:

Pile my food in a bowl, I don't care...You know what, if you could pile my food into a blender and liquify it and then load it into a caulking gun and then shoot it directly into my femoral artery, even better.

But until you invent a Lunch Gun, I would like a Failure Pile in a Sadness Bowl. Please.

AHHHHH NOOOOO!!!! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?????

With Anticipation That Burns

And if you think you'll get stuck in a

traffic jam, that's fine, send yourself through a telephone line

It doesn't matter how you get to me...

Just get to me

Go on hitch a ride on the back of a butterfly

There's no better way to fly

To get to me

I look around what I got, without you, it ain't a lot

I got everything, with you, everything

Any time I need a good laugh and a smile, he never lets me down. So classic...

The Human Torch was denied a bank loan

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Here it goes down, down into my belly.

What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? I'm not even mad, that's amazing.

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

It's so damn hot! Milk was a bad choice...

I immediately regret this decision.

I'm going to punch you in the ovary. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.

By the beard of Zeus!

I know what you're thinking. And the answer is yes, I do have a nickname for my penis. It's called The Octagon. But I've also nicknamed my testes. The left one is James Westfall, and the right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right, you might just get to meet the whole gang.

I ate a whole lot of fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said... my stomach's itchy.

¿Comó están, bitches?!

If only I had an excuse to take a road trip through the Dirty South.... cause I got a cravin'for

"With more than 1,200 locations in 20 states, as far north as Ohio and as far west as Arizona, Waffle House is cherished by thousands of diners. Regular customers speak of its employees, its customs, and its food with near reverence. Touring musicians have been known to eat five meals a week there. And yet the Waffle House is so pervasive it's invisible. It doesn't advertise; it hides in plain sight..."

-An excerpt from Wikipedia's article on Waffle House

Perry: Merry Christmas, sorry I f_cked you over.
Harry: No problem. Don't quit your gay job.

Harry: I swear to God, it's like somebody took America by the East Coast, and shook it, and all the normal girls managed to hang on.

Harry: I peed on the corpse. Can they do, like, and ID from that?
Perry: I'm sorry, you peed on...?
Harry: On the corpse. My question is...
Perry: No, my question. I get to go first. Why in pluperfect hell would you pee on a corpse?

Perry: I shot him with a small revolver I keep near my balls.

If you need me, I'm out and on the parkway
Patient and waiting for headlights dressed in a fashion that's fitting to the inconsistencies of my moods


this is why....

we were taught so much better than this

tagline of my new favorite commercial:

The Chili-cheese Thickburger from Hardees. If you don't want chili-cheese fries with it, too bad. You get 'em anyways.

From Hardees TV commercial "Chili Fries." Watch it here.

awesome

Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness

Be here now, here now

Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall