I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for 5¢ a piece.

I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each.

I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200.

I like monkeys.


I took my 200 monkeys home.

I have a big car.

I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded.

In fact, none of them were really bright.

They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals.

I stopped laughing.


I herded them into my room.

They didn't adapt very well to their new environment.

They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.

Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died.

No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.

Damn cheap monkeys.


I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase.

It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.


I tried to flush one down the toilet.

It didn't work. It got stuck.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.


I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals.

That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose.

It started to smell real bad.


I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber.

I was embarrassed.


I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.

Unfortunately there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds.

I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.


I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable.

I had to extinguish the fire.


Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom.

I severely beat one of my monkeys.

I felt better.


I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates.

I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either.

I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.


I finally arrived at a solution.

I gave them out as Christmas gifts.

My friends didn't know quite what to say.

They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying.

Ingrates.


So I punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys

any and all comments or responses are welcome at boofydb@yahoo.com

i would like to point out that these days it takes a lot to make me laugh out loud. especially stuff on the internet because it all kinda sounds the same. but this slays me. i was at work and i had to think about multiple kittens dying and bleeding all over a perfectly good steak in order to focus on something sad enough to keep myself from laughing. i knew that would be trouble if i did. so here it is. the whole site is funny....but this one, the commentary is hilarious.

and yes, it is about the infamous Camel-Toe


Par Four Toe
Toe Factor: 8 (with a 2 handicap for the far right one)
Seen: Pebble, Nantucket Golf, Winged Foot, Pinehurst

We were told that this photo was taken at a charity golf tournament. Where does one find courses with trashy women such as these? Portland, Oregon? The one on the left is sassy, and exudes confidence that she could make you beg for mercy. The 2nd from the left has a nice toe. But something tells me she has used her company's mental health plan more than they had hoped. The guy has that " I am going to regret this picture" look. The red bikini woman is a poor man's Phoebe Cates. But that is OK. The woman on the far right is a broomstick short of being burned in Salem, Mass. She looks like she just finished her first pack of Newport Lights, and is ready to reload. These women should enjoy what little remains of their misspent youths. Cause ten years from now, the only lasting vestige of those years will be the tattoos and the nicotine addiction. Wow. That sounded harsh, even for me.




any and all comments or responses are welcome at boofydb@yahoo.com

and this is why you do crazy things.....because you are in love









just pointed in the right direction this time....
any and all comments or responses are welcome at boofydb@yahoo.com

the moth in the smoke ring
the effortless encounter
the slightest breeze
a light beat of the wings
order and perfection are reduced to regulated chaos
once a beautiful circle floating on air
now trails drifting to the street light
flowing without perceivable order
appearing illogical, irrational
beyond the realm of comprehension,
there lies the order
an unseen structure
making all smoke rise differently
but the same every time



any and all comments or responses are welcome at boofydb@yahoo.com

the only appropriate response is to praise you:


when i consider your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?
You have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. Psalm 8:3-5

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun, which is like a brodegroom coming forth from his pavilion, like a champion rejoicing to run his course. Psalm 19:1-5

Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.
For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods.
For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the Lord made the heavens. Psalm 96:3-5

Praise him, sun and moon, praise him, all you shining stars.
Praise him, you highest heavens and you waters above the skies.
Let them praise the name of the Lord, for he commanded and they were created. Psalm 148:3-5


if i dont proclaim his glory, the rocks will cry out....


any and all comments or responses are welcome at boofydb@yahoo.com