i am strong, i am incorrigible, and i will not stand for second-rate effort by those who work for me. the goal is excellence and i will achieve it myself, if i must

The depravity of the universe in the mirror

good chapter this week. tough to swallow, but good.

I sometimes wonder whether we are moving through time or time is
moving through us.

I believe that the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into
some sort of evil, but rather have us wasting time.

If you don't love somebody, it gets annoying when they tell you what
to do or what to feel. When you love them you get pleasure from
their pleasure, and it makes it easy to serve.

It was as if we were broken, I thought, as if we were never supposed
to feel these sticky emotions. It was as if we were cracked,
couldn't love right. couldn't feel good things for very long without
screwing it all up. We were gasoline engines running on diesel.

I do buy the idea we are flawed, that there is something in us that
is broken. I think it is easier to do bad things than good things.
And there is something tin that basic fact, some little clue to the
meaning of the universe.

We have to be taught to be good. It doesn't come completely
natural. In my mind, that's a flaw in the human condition

Sometimes I think, you know, if there were not cops, I would be fine,
and I probably would. I was taught right from wrong when I was a
kid. But the truth is, I drive completely different when there is a
cop behind me than when there isn't

It is hard for us to admit we have a sin nature because we live in
this system of check and balances...everybody is watching everybody
else. It is as if the founding fathers knew, intrinsically, that the
soul of man, unwatched, is perverse.

The problem is not a certain type of legislation or even a certain
politician; the problem is the same that is has always been. I am
the problem. I think every conscious person who is awake to the
functioning principles within his reality, has a moment where he
stops blaming the problems in the world on group think, on humanity
and authority, and starts to face himself.

He cannot accept her affection because she is loving a man who
doesn't exist. He plays a role. He says he is an actor in his own
home.

I wondered how beautiful it might be to think of others as more
important than myself. I wondered at how peaceful it might be not to
be pestered by that childish voice that wants for pleasure and
attention. I wondered what it would be like not to live in a house
of mirrors, everywhere I go being reminded of myself.

All this flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through;
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, reassurance, pleasure, and the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;
I talk of love - a scholar's parrot may talk Greek -
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

I think every well-adjusted human being has dealt squarely with his
or her own depravity.

if you say it enough, maybe you will begin to believe it...

song lyrics that seem appropriate for the moment:

There was a party last night, last night
Cigarettes and empty bottles, empty bottles
Better open up this window, this window
Need some air to clear my head, clear my head

Alone in these strange beds
I think that I've travelled enough
Poetry and aeroplanes
I am tired of waiting for love

Tend to fall asleep in the fast lane, in the fast lane
Sometimes sinking low in the high life, in the high life
No more happy songs of heartbreak, oh' heartbreak
Or playing white knight misunderstood, misunderstood

Alone in these strange streets
I think that I've walked them enough
Poetry and Aeroplanes
I am tired of waiting for love

Another night I lie awake
In woken dreams of faith and fate
Hope my love don't come too late

She stole, my grandmother's watch, a treasure to touch
To keep time to herself
Her mind, was a very big house, we got lost there for hours
Until August fell.

You say you're alright, but Josie it's time
You gotta get your feet on the ground
But she says: "No, don't you see we have wings?
It's the funniest thing, it's just that no one knows."


Can you say goodbye, without ever leaving?
That's some sad soul to keep
Amanda awakes in a moment believing
She's better off staying asleep
So she drives by the station
Imaginin' somewhere
Sings a slow slow song

Now she's waiting at the stoplights
With no where to go
But in our town there's just one stoplight
Oh I wish she would know
There's a world outside her window
Anywhere the wind blows

She sleeps like a girl, but wakes like a woman

I wish you would've grabbed the gun
And shot me 'cause I died
And I'm nothing now without you
yeah, I'm less than nothing now

I'm the one between the bars and lost forever now
'Cause it's over now

It's harder now that it's over
Now that the cuffs are off
And you're free; You're free with a history


Never was good with decisions that's what I've been told
I've been holdin on to this ticket cause one day I'll pay this toll

Freedom came my way that night
just like a jet plane In and out of sight
I was hauling ass at a million miles an hour
wondering how hard I'd hit

I'm taking a chance on the wind
I'm packing all my bags
Taking a mistake I gotta make
then I'm glory bound


i never really had a problem
because of leaving
but everything reminds me of her
this evening
so if i seem a little out of it, sorry


Only I can make these changes, nobody else
Say goodbye to those sleepless nights
Those corridors with no end in sight
A driven man with these words I write
I'm making peace with my soul tonight


In a room draped in blue
i am thinkin of you
i am tired
and i cant sleep
and for you i will weep
in a flash you are gone
yet around me life is calm
i cannot understand
is this part of the plan


Bright lights, big city
Was quite extraordinary.
The drive was pretty.
I was in perfect company.
The love of a lifetime,
Since we were elementary friends;
The one with the bright eyes..


(mostly for the connection to the scene in Wicker Park. I still don't know why that is so powerful to me)
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And NURSE me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start

Running in circles
Calling tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard


We couldn't all be cowboys
So some of us are clowns
Some of us are dancers on the midway
We roam from town to town
I hope that everybody can find a little flame
Me, I say my prayers, then I just light myself on fire
And I walk out on the wire once again

Letters from further away keep pulling me close to home
And there's something to cushion my callous sighs.
And I know that you hope for longer good-byes
Embracing for forever and falling in your eyes.

Pouring over photographs
I'm living in your letters
Breathe deeply from this envelope it smells like you and I can't be without that scent
It's filling me with all you mean to me

She looked just like a train wreck
That could've been avoided
In a third world country
By a long stretch of farmland
Where the waters had run high
And washed the topsoil down the river

Well it's life informing art informing life again
Like every stupid kid
That thinks that they're the first in pain
The first to rip themselves apart
The first to try and live without a heart

I miss you girl, I hope you're fine
Good luck, love
Or goodbye

I want to see your face, even hear your lies

you say....i only hear what i want to

Ashes in the Fall

A mass of hands press on the market window

Ghosts of progress

Dressed in slow death

Feeding on hunger

And glaring through the promise

man....i was doing so well too....argh...

I'm telling you.... he is a genius

definitely a welcome sight. can you blame people for lining up for this????

low gas prices make Beep Beep the Jeep happy...

Ma'am. Please calm down. Your CD tray is not a cupholder. I cannot help you clear your browser cache. No I'm not in India.

There's something in the way she eases my mind
And lays me across the bed till I close my eyes
Stirs me in the morning till I can ever be satisfied
I leave Carolina every night in my dreams

When everything about me, I used to be, shivers in the sheets and the blankets of snow
Lost out in the woods were you're looking for me

Broken glass, broke and hungry
broken hearts and broken bones

Why did I have to break in, I only came here to talk


And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label
She says that love is for fools who fall behind
And I'm somewhere in between
I never really know a killer from a savior

So here's the truth:
You were right all along,
They were never my friends,
And I was living a lie,
But I won't fall for it next time.

You figured me out
I'm like a leaf in the wind
I try and find who I am, but wind up lost in the end.

what i feel like doing right now....

i finally got some pictures from Hurricane Ernesto uploaded to my Flickr account. here is an example:

things to be happy about (i think):

Jenny Was A Friend of Mine was the outro music for one of the commercial breaks for the "big game" AKA Manning brothers sibling rivalry AKA disappointing showing. Still. One of the greatest songs out there. Even if the NFL is just now catching on and will most likely overplay it and make me sick of it. Way to go NFL and ABC's coverage thereof in your attempt to be "hip"

no lines at mug night. that is a first. especially only a couple weeks into fall semester. hey college students, where are you? don't tell me you are studying on a Sunday night. especially you seniors. man up. there is no excuse for missing any opportunity for mug night. you only have 30 or so left. dont miss them

the Leafe carrying both Magic Hat and Legend Oktoberfest. one mug of each. good night all around.

be the change you want to see in the world.