apparently the top 8 questions that all men dread have been posted online....
they are funny....and interesting. im not going to comment on their personal relevance to me or if i completely agree, just post them for the female readers and see what they think. or maybe they will make them think twice the next time they ask them

ok i changed my mind. im going to add a little explanation/description from my perspective and experience. but im not going to specify a situation like they do online, just so that you can imagine all the different scenarios....


"what are you thinking?"
(if you have to ask, you probably dont want to know. depends on the situation. he my want to tell you or he might need to tell you, but the fact that he isnt telling you or isnt talking about it is clearly on purose. you bringing it up will most likely only make it worse, both the situation and his psychological turmoil, whatever it is.)

"Where is our relationship going?"
(he is most likely thinking about this on his own or forcing himself to not think about it depending on what his intentions and plans are. its not that you cant ask this question, but there are a lot of situations where you shouldnt ask this. if you do, you will get a response that you probably dont want to hear. and it may not be the truth either. example: right after he woke up, while he is pissed, after making out/hooking up/etc... or in an altered state (with the aid of alcohol). in these and other situations, his response will be effected by the environment and his current temperament.)

"Do you love me?"
(you should know the answer. either way. if you dont feel loved and you want him to express it more verbally or physically or in a different way, express this. but say it that way, not so bluntly. dont ask it just to pd you stats or make yourself feel better. dont do it to make it seem like you are above him in some way. most guys will not like being put on the spot with that question. there is a lot of presumption and negative animosity subliminally implied in that question. he will automatically feel attacked and will get defensive. it makes him feel like he isnt doing a good enough job or there is someone else that you think might do a better job. forcing him back into a corner with subliminally attacking and negatively implicating questions will only reap angry and defensive responses. or a meek response that he feels is being forced out of him. and if you are forcing him to say "i love you" the he will begin to mean it less and less every time he says it.)

"Am I fat?"
(this or any variation of this question is just unfair to men. i mean...come on. it is a losing situation. no answer is right. im not going to get into details and specifics with this one, but it should be obvious. dont put us in that position. if you are feeling insecure and want to know his opinion about body types and sizes and whatnot, why not inquire on what he thinks of another girl and then compare in your own mind, like you do continuously in your subconscious. be careful how you word it though. if he feels like this is some pop quiz of fidelity or if he loves you or something, then you will not get a good or truthful answer, if you get one at all.)

"How many times have you had sex?"
(hmm. well. i cant really speak from experience on this one. but i do kinda know the discomfort that a guy would feel if he was asked this. a guy's sex life and sexual history are his private business and if he wants to share with you what he has been through, then he should do it on his own accord and not based on a question from you forcing him to let you know. if the guy is a Christian and/or a virgin, he probably doesnt want to talk about that part of his life at all because it either isnt something that he is proud of in his life or it may have been a different part of his life before he met Christ or got serious about his faith. and some guys in our society almost feel ashamed or embarassed to admit they are still virgins and havent had sex yet in a culture that glorifies it so much and has no boundaries regarding it. im not saying that a guy should hide something from you. and you have a right to ask. if you are in a sexually active relationship, you shouldnt be asking to find out about his experience. if you are having sex, im sure you can figure it out pretty quick. on the other hand, you shouldnt ask it this way if you are trying to figure out if he is a "good" sex partner. as him straight up if he has any STDs or something like that which you should know about. you have a right to that information. beyond that, most guys dont want to tell you about their sexual past. the good, the bad, or the ugly. and if you ask it in a flirtatious way, the guy will probably imbelish or make up stories to impress you and get you in bed, since you are putting out those vibes of interest and possibility. anyways. that is enough from me.)

"Do you want to meet my parents?"
(i kinda disagree with this question and the explanation they give on the website. i mean...yes i have been through that. it is terrifying having to meet a girl's parents for the first time. you figure they are going to kill you when she walks out the room or ask you some question that will make you look stupid or embarass you or something. so yes. it is intimidating and scary. but at the same time, if he cares, he will probably want to meet them. if he is serious, he will be willing to deal with the scariness to meet them and learn about where you come from so that he can know more about you. if his intentions are good and wholesome, then he wont mind. he will welcome the opportunity. he will be scared and anxious, most likely....but he will still go.)

"What should we do for Valentine's Day?"
(grrrrr. i hate this day. with a passion. a lot of guys do. dont make it worse by forcing or expecting him to come up with plans. dont expect diamonds and roses and chocolate and a car or something. any man who is not a sheep and slave to Hallmark will hate the concept of buying merchadise for a made-up holiday in order to "prove" with money that he loves someone. too much pressure. too much stress. im not saying take over his God-given responsibility to be the leader in the relationship, just dont put pressure on him to make plans. he may or may not be thinking about it already. but the fact that you are thinking about it will only add to the stress.)

"How much do you weigh?"
(ummm, the website's explanation is that men are just as sensitive about their weight as women are. hmm must have been a woman writing it. cause this is not true. we may think about it. we may think about what other people think about our appearance or if we look athletic or attractive. but as far as specific weights and losing a certain number of pounds and eating water and croutons to stay alive, the only guys i know that do that are wrestlers. and they are kinda nuts. so, as much as we would rather you be up-front and honest with us, dont just say "hey you look like you have gained about 20lbs!" because we will react negatively to that. but we dont care as much as girls do in general. body image and attractiveness is a factor to a certain extent. different levels of importance for different guys.)

sigh. ok i guess that is it. i hope this psychological/sociological/gender interaction studies lecture was beneficial for your interactions with the men in your life. think before you speak.




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu