Eve 6 speaks more truth and more applicably than I ever thought possible.


Therefore: Songs of the Moment

"On the roof again", "Sunset strip bitch", "Here's to the night", "Amphetamines", "Nightmare", and "Girl eyes"
from Eve 6 album Horrorscope

sigh.....not all the lyrics apply and they dont apply directly, but it was nice to hear someone thinking the same things, struggling with the same things and even having a worse time at it than myself.

anyways....lots of stuff is going on. its making it really hard to study. being home is part of it. but not having a home is the real problem. so much of the past three years, school has been my home and i havent really wanted to come back to northern va. and yet during the most stressful time of the semester i come home in order to try to get away from things instead of the other way around. im just not used to dreading going back to school. i mean yes i have never been a huge fan of all the studying and everything, but there has always been a reason for me to get excited to be back at school and enjoy myself there. now that it is gone, where is my home? it isnt here. it isnt there.

as much as im sure someone would love to be like oh it doesnt matter you should have your foundation in God and that will make everything better. yes, a foundation and trust in Him will make things better and make things go smoother. but are you ignoring the emphasis that God himself put on the family and home throughout the Torah and OT? clearly he realizes that is a key to our survival and sanity on this earth. so having no home, no shelter, no love, no caring.....where am i supposed to go? maybe ill just get back in my car and drive some more. it seems to be the only place i can relax and think and pray and cry and cry out for help.

that is sad if its true. what does that say about me? what does that say about the state my soul and spirit are in right now? sad.

studying about attachment in infants, children, adolescents and adults isnt helping either. i really am getting the psychology student syndrome. the more i prepare for this test, the more i feel like i suck at life and have screwed everything up. or maybe everything was screwed up for me before i could do anything about it.

mostly, im not retaining any of this information, it is just directing my mind to go on tangents and think about how it applies to my life and how messed up i am and not focusing on transferring the encoded information from the short-term memory store to the archival long-term memory store. sigh.....

not that subliminal pressure and disappointment are helping the situation any...

ok, back to studying and stressing and freaking out.....sigh....

"repeat the words 'you're not alone' three times and hit the light..."




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu