its amazing that i was able to sleep last night
not riddled with the painful thoughts and nightmares i had already experienced
being without you is pain enough, hardly bearable
but for you to be gone is a pain i cannot fathom
it is an event which would destroy me
at least at this point

i am learning to let go
i am learning to move on
i am learning what it means to have a life of my own
and live for the desires and needs of one and not two
yet it cannot be ignored, i have not let go
and until i do, those thoughts will still bring me to tears

the shower head coats me in water
the waves flow and join as streams in a delta
their volume is augmented
fresh tears meet the streams to form rivers

what would i say?
how can one measure that level of denial?
no one could accept that
yet it is not just the event and the pain,
it is the situation's current state that would make it the hardest
would you even want me to be there?
would i be the one you would want them to call as you struggle?
i pray your answer is yes

more so i pray that day does not come soon
i pray that when it does i wont have to fight for words
i wont have to explain how i feel
and what im thinking
and all that you have meant to me
all that you have done in my life
when that day comes, i pray that you can know what i want to say
because i have said it before
in word and deed
and all that is necessary at that point
is to hear what my eyes are saying



Lord, make this easier. please.







any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu