Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

I'm singing hold me Jesus 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

-Rich Mullins


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
-Alexander Graham Bell

Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
-Elanor Roosevelt

The true call of a Christian is not to do extraordinary things, but to do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
-Dean Stanley



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

tonight i feel ambitious and so does my foot as it sinks on the pedal. i press it to the floor.
i dont need a girl, dont need a friend, cause my friend lonesome is unconditional.

the recommended speed for the ramp on this exit is 25.
let's see how fast we can hit it without crashing...

ill take the long way home, but just drive it faster


remember when it rained...

just leave me alone and maybe i will work things out for myself




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

and at this point i suppose it would be best to keep all these thoughts and feelings in my head. ive done it before and i can do it again. some things just shouldnt be said, or wouldnt help if they were said. they just make it harder. and apparently the therapeutic benefit of this venue for communication may be too public and shouldnt be used. so, i guess for now all the thoughts and feelings and inner turmoil will stay there, inside. only to spill out on paper or through prayer or possibly, but hopefully not, in a moment of frustration or passion. so until further notice, this blog is no longer a location for venting and purging.

emotional isolationism yet again.

there was a good reason i lived this way in the past, maybe it would be better to go back to that. maybe that will help.

whateva, im out.




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

phrase of the moment: "just leave me alone"

so long sweet summer




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

pain is weakness leaving the body
then are tears weakness in liquid form?

im sick of cookie cutter sunday school answers
im sick of being let down
im sick of not knowing what to do
im sick of being here
im sick of not having anywhere else to go

im tired of all of this

the sad thing is that i dont care anymore. the more i think about it, the more it pisses me off. the more im surrounded by it, the more i cant stand it.

temptation strikes deep and early.
apathy and loneliness makes his voice sound sweet
just get off me
leave me alone


but dont
ive been alone too long





any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

oh Lord, help me
i feel like i have nowhere else to turn

grrrrrr


whateva





any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

i am in the process of making a list of the 100 greatest films of all times. this is not necessarily just movies that i like, but films that i feel are well-done, have had a social impact and influence and are entertaining to watch. the current stage is thinking of all the top movies that i can think of and then prioritizing them after the list is compiled. i would appreciate any and all input. just let me know what some of your favourite movies or films are. whether it is top five, ten or fifteen, that would be helpful to hear other opinions and help remind me of movies that i had overlooked. they can be from any genre, drama, comedy, action, etc... dont get too stressed out about this and dont feel like you really need to have them in correct order because chances are that i have either thought of it already or that i may slightly disagree with the value given to it. part of this is to see what movies i really must see in order to make this decision. i hope to finish this over break....but we will see. i will post my results on my blog when they are ready.

thanks again.



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

the lancaster market is as incredible as ever. wonderful day amid the hustle and bustle and motion. a different kind of hustle and bustle though, a kind that was a welcome respite from the northern virginia collective insanity.

new voice blessed by God: Amy Banks
-Amazing Grace
-Swing Low, Sweet Chariots
-He Keeps an eye on the Sparrows

Matt. 6:22-34; Luke 12:22-34
A good reason to not get worried about what im going to do for the rest of my life. how i will provide for myself or others that are put under my care. that is the wrong mindset. it shouldnt matter. while pursuing him, he will set our path straight and he will direct our footsteps to His glory and according to his will. we dont need to know where that will be or when it will happen, we just need to know that He does know and he is taking care of it. let go of the railing, step out and walk leaning on Him and not on the trappings of this world.


pursue the kingdom and heaven and his righteousness
believe in his power, trust his providence

there is thunder in his footsteps and lightning in his fists



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

its amazing that i was able to sleep last night
not riddled with the painful thoughts and nightmares i had already experienced
being without you is pain enough, hardly bearable
but for you to be gone is a pain i cannot fathom
it is an event which would destroy me
at least at this point

i am learning to let go
i am learning to move on
i am learning what it means to have a life of my own
and live for the desires and needs of one and not two
yet it cannot be ignored, i have not let go
and until i do, those thoughts will still bring me to tears

the shower head coats me in water
the waves flow and join as streams in a delta
their volume is augmented
fresh tears meet the streams to form rivers

what would i say?
how can one measure that level of denial?
no one could accept that
yet it is not just the event and the pain,
it is the situation's current state that would make it the hardest
would you even want me to be there?
would i be the one you would want them to call as you struggle?
i pray your answer is yes

more so i pray that day does not come soon
i pray that when it does i wont have to fight for words
i wont have to explain how i feel
and what im thinking
and all that you have meant to me
all that you have done in my life
when that day comes, i pray that you can know what i want to say
because i have said it before
in word and deed
and all that is necessary at that point
is to hear what my eyes are saying



Lord, make this easier. please.







any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

A man's spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear? Prov. 18:14

No discipline seems pleasant at the taime, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst. but for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience. 1 Timothy 1:15-16

even though i should be studying and i have my last exam today that i want to do well in so that i can have a good GPA in general, but specifically in my major so that i can be happy with myself and live up to my parent's expectations for me and make them direct attention at me since im the middle child and eternally am striving to catch up or outdo what has already been done......but instead i decided to sleep in and then spend some time talking to my Creator and reading His word. He is always there and always faithful. Lots of good words today as always.

Filled up.

Dont care about this exam....


Philemon 4




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

ok the things that are really cool about Macs just keep getting cooler. Rendezvous is now the coolest thing ever. iTunes is also the coolest thing ever. and by cool i mean totally sweet and awesome.

also retarded animal babies. i know i shouldnt be laughing at that, but wow, it cracks me up. and not just at 3am when i havent gotten any sleep.






any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

give it a whirl girl
be like the squirrel


how the heck am i supposed to concentrate on studying for these exams (i have one in an hour!!!) in the library if there is so much freaking construction noise!!! yes the new wings of the library are really nice and great and wonderful. and yes we are huge nerds for getting so excited that our library has been expanded and it is a new fun place to study more....getting excited about studying more? wow, there is something wrong with this place. but my point is that they arent going to finish the first floor before thursday when exams are over, so why dont they wait a couple days until all the students are done with exams and dont have to study anymore? isnt there supposed to be a stereotype of silence in the library? how are the people who run the library itself the ones who violate this? grrrrrr i just want to get out of here


and i will give you rest


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

But my hand was made strong
By the hand of the almighty
We forward in this generation
Triumphantly
All I ever had, is songs of freedom
Won't you help to sing, these songs of freedom
Cause all I ever had, redemption songs


so tired of it all
my eyes are weary
they droop from exhaustion
sag from sadness
sleep is a temporary solution

doing good brings happiness. unfortunately it is so easily stolen; so quickly vanished and youre left with what you've always had. yourself. alone.

yet not alone.

falling on you once again. I'm glad youre always there.

do you not know, have you not heard, the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth, he does not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom; he gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak; even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord shall renew their strength; they will soar on wings, wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.


Behold!
He Comes!
Riding on the clouds!
Shining like the sun,
At the trumpet call
Lift your voice!
It's the year of Jubilee
And out of Zion's hill
Salvation comes



keep it up El Shaddai, you're always on top of everything


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

a voice from the past spoke to me tonight
a voice still in existence
just not one i hear

echoes of a past life
so distant now
talk of healing and fixing
should have fixed it then

without honesty there can be no trust
trust is the key to love

and as the sweet tones
carried electrically
amplified in my ear
my heart broke

and tears on the other end
forced my eyes to leak




handy helper

as Christ loved the Church

MOG in training

still on the potter's wheel




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

wow, God. man you were right again. yes the Christian music industry does have a purpose and benefitial place in society. not just entertainment. I dont think i'm the only one He convicts and moves using Christian music. if i am, I'm ok with that too. Just dont stop.

Jars of Clay- "Whatever she wants"

wow



Josh. 1:7-9




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

every step hesitates
my mind races to simulate
i want to be ready
i want to have it planned
what will i say
what will i do
a campus of eggshells
not a peaceful place to walk
or live

therefore to hibernation
in anxiety and distress



yeah whateva...




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

a walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises and i don't believe that i'm getting any better.

and nobody cares at all, and nobody cares at all. so you buried all your lover's clothes and burned the letters lover wrote, but it doesn't make it any better. does it make it any better?

which of the bold faced lies will we use? i hope that you're happy, you really deserve it, this will be best for us both in the end. but your taste still lingers on my lips like i just placed them upon yours and i starve for you. but this new diet's liquid and dulling to the senses. and it's crude but it will do. which of the standard lines will we use? i've been meaning to call you. i've just been so busy. we'll catch up soon. let's make it a point to. but your taste still lingers on my lips like i just placed them upon yours and i starve for you. but this new diet's liquid and dulling to the senses. and it's crude but it will do.

buried deep as you can dig inside yourself and hidden in the public eye such a stellar monument to loneliness.

and you say take this. this medicine is just what you deserve. swallow, choke, and die. and this bitter pill is leaving you with such an angry mouth. one that's void of all discretion such an awful tearing sound. with its measure only equaled by the power of my stare glaring over you and over you this feeling of despair is never wearing out. it's wearing off and its leaving you with such a heavy heart and a head to match.

once again......thanks chris

i think they should bottle the smell of Swem. then it could either be a stress-inducing concoction or it could be an olfactory associative stimulus which encourages you to study and focus.

In my life all the strife is getting in the way
Frankly I did not plan on getting hurt today
-Downhere

yeah whateva....






any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

Lord Byron speaks with such passion and grace. He has been through it. He knows what he is talking about. finding solace in the stacks of Swem. Apparently the only way to freedom is to Swem.

My days are in the yellow leaf;
The flowers and fruits of Love are gone;
The worm, the canker and the grief
Are mine alone!

We madly smile when we should groan;
Delirium is our best deceiver.

Time tempers Love, but not removes,
more hallowed when its Hope is flad:
Oh! What are thousand living loves
To that which cannot quit the dead?

My boat is on the shore,
And my bark is on the sea...

Here's a sigh to those who love me,
And a smile to those who hate me...



there are a couple things that i'd like to know....



i despise my own behaviour

im still a man in need of a saviour




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

my voice is gone
been screaming at the steering wheel
545 miles later, some answers are there
still missing the big picture
still hurting
as the car seat soaks up the tears
and my dashboard is the best listener
im thankful for my loving passenger
that only i can see

to go back to where i was would just be wrong
im pressing on


MOG in training





any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

yet again a great song that speaks right to me and reminds me where i am and where i need to be: "Rest Easy" by Audio Adrenaline

I am such a sinner I fear my evil ways
I fear my imperfection I fear my final days
I just want to take control and snap this rusty chain
drop my heavy burden it seems to be in vain

I am not a bold man even though I want to be
I am just a dreamer with a timid history
Scared of confrontations I fume all through the night
the world has it's hold on me and I just want to fly
The sky, the sky is open wide
but I can't fly 'til I step aside

Rest easy
have no fear
I love you perfectly
love drives out fear
I'll take your burden
you take My grace
Rest easy
in My embrace


And "Lead of Love" by Caedmon's Call

Looking back at the road so far
The journey's left its share of scars
Mostly from leaving the narrow and straight

Looking back it is clear to me
That a man is more than the sum of his deeds
And how You've made good of this mess I've made
Is a profound mystery

Looking back You know You had to bring me through
All that I was so afraid of
Though I questioned the sky, now I see why
Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back I see the lead of love

Looking back I can finally see (I'd rather have wisdom)
How failures bring humility (than be)
Brings me to my knees (a comfortable fool)
Helps me see my need for Thee


And "Love Alone" by Caedmon's Call too....

No one would love me
if they knew all the things I hide
My words fall to the floor
As tears drip through the telephone line

Give me your hand to hold
'Cause I can't stand to love alone
And love alone is not enough to hold us up
We've got to touch your robe


thanks El Ohim, you're my dawg...



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

Eve 6 speaks more truth and more applicably than I ever thought possible.


Therefore: Songs of the Moment

"On the roof again", "Sunset strip bitch", "Here's to the night", "Amphetamines", "Nightmare", and "Girl eyes"
from Eve 6 album Horrorscope

sigh.....not all the lyrics apply and they dont apply directly, but it was nice to hear someone thinking the same things, struggling with the same things and even having a worse time at it than myself.

anyways....lots of stuff is going on. its making it really hard to study. being home is part of it. but not having a home is the real problem. so much of the past three years, school has been my home and i havent really wanted to come back to northern va. and yet during the most stressful time of the semester i come home in order to try to get away from things instead of the other way around. im just not used to dreading going back to school. i mean yes i have never been a huge fan of all the studying and everything, but there has always been a reason for me to get excited to be back at school and enjoy myself there. now that it is gone, where is my home? it isnt here. it isnt there.

as much as im sure someone would love to be like oh it doesnt matter you should have your foundation in God and that will make everything better. yes, a foundation and trust in Him will make things better and make things go smoother. but are you ignoring the emphasis that God himself put on the family and home throughout the Torah and OT? clearly he realizes that is a key to our survival and sanity on this earth. so having no home, no shelter, no love, no caring.....where am i supposed to go? maybe ill just get back in my car and drive some more. it seems to be the only place i can relax and think and pray and cry and cry out for help.

that is sad if its true. what does that say about me? what does that say about the state my soul and spirit are in right now? sad.

studying about attachment in infants, children, adolescents and adults isnt helping either. i really am getting the psychology student syndrome. the more i prepare for this test, the more i feel like i suck at life and have screwed everything up. or maybe everything was screwed up for me before i could do anything about it.

mostly, im not retaining any of this information, it is just directing my mind to go on tangents and think about how it applies to my life and how messed up i am and not focusing on transferring the encoded information from the short-term memory store to the archival long-term memory store. sigh.....

not that subliminal pressure and disappointment are helping the situation any...

ok, back to studying and stressing and freaking out.....sigh....

"repeat the words 'you're not alone' three times and hit the light..."




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

too many questions that need answers.

too many problems that need to be solved.

too much stress, must be alleviated.

all of this happening at once. i just cant take it. i need to get away.

to much pressure, too much stress, too much frustration, too much pain and sadness.
not enough love.

on the verge of a mental breakdown. therefore i had to leave. i had to get away. take some time to myself to get out of the situation and think for a little bit. see what other people have to say or what they think.
a long drive filled with contemplation, nostalgia, and sadness. but it was good. being by myself and spending time with the best therapist i've ever been to: me. with his trusty assistant: my car.
things are definitely not all figured out and im still not sure where to go from here. I need to spend some more time in God's book while im home and not just in academic books. studying and cramming is of some value. that is the stage in life that i find myself in. but studying God's word, getting to know him better, that will lead to me being able to taste and approve what His will is, His good, perfect and pleasing will. to find out what im supposed to do with my life, i need to get to know the one who is basically in control of my life. he is in charge. its not about me. its not about her. its about my friendship and relationship with the God of the Universe who sought after me and begun a good work in me. he will follow it to its completion if i am willing to give it up to him. this is my focus. everything else is useless and futile, mere distractions from what is important.


becoming MOG = my goal





any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

i am the one who has been forgiven much
i am the one who you love much

of a child-like faith
of an honest praise
and of my unashamed love

i looked up to Him and said break me
i said take this pride, humble me

and He said to me "I am the one you are singing to. I am the one you are worshipping. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU! Give this up to me and I will give you peace, I will give you rest from your pain and confusion. You are singing to me. There is no one around, you stand before me. It is not about you, it is not about her, it is not about anyone around you. It is about ME. WILL YOU GLORIFY ME OR YOURSELF? I gave you your voice, dont forget that."

the quality doesnt matter. my soul cries out. i sing because the rocks cannot. my throat hurts, my voice isnt all there, i cant hit every note. but i dont care.


it is nice to be at peace with you...

that is what matters.

what is my goal in life? to be a man of God. after that, everything will be sorted out, because He already has a plan. #1 priority has been made. no one else matters.

until it is His will.


so am i distant? maybe. but thats what i need. distance from the world, which has pulled me down all my life, will allow me to come closer to the God who has been waiting for me to come back.

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days

But I'm not going to break and I'm not going to worry about it anymore
I'm not going to bend, and I'm not going to break and I'm not going to worry about it anymore
It seems like I should say, "As long as this is love..."
But it's not all that easy

I am not worried I've done this sort of thing before
But then I start to think about the consequences
Because I don't get no sleep in a quiet room

Kindness falls like rain

It washes me away

now i can see the trouble in your eyes
and i can see the smiles disappearing
and i know there is more to this life than the things i keep fearing

so lets not worry about the things that we cant change
because we've got so much to be thankful for

i know the sun will shine again

but until then ill be dancing in the rain



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

Songs of the moment:

Howie Day "Numbness for Sound"

Josh Groban "You Raise Me Up"

Matthew 9:37-38 "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

i begged you not to go,
i begged you, i pleaded

ok so now i am completely confused and disoriented. dinner at the UC was good tonight? what? and a sunday night no less? the sunday night after thanksgiving break? the night that people are least likely to eat at the UC because their parents took them out to dinner before dropping them off or they grabbed some Burger King on the way into town or would just rather have Wawa instead of silver tin containers of crap. but no! amazing! incredible! unbelievable! the food was good! and the thing was that all the entrees were good. couldnt they have saved some of the good entrees for later in the week instead of blowing it all on one night?

first off: spareribs. i didnt expect much, but the meat was actually good and the sauce was good and the spices were good. definitely messy and had a short-lived term of service on my platter due to the fact that i was wearing my new (totally sweet and awesome and warm and soft) fleece jacket and i had letters on the table that i didnt want to get messy. so those were good. second: chicken nuggets. these were a favourite the last time they had them and they were brought back tonight unexpectedly. a pleasent surprise. thirdly: au gratin potatos. normally nothing special, so i was hesitant to even have the dining services worker plop them on my plate. once again, pleasantly suprised, they actually had cheese in them! i thought that was what au gratin meant, but the past record of their ability to complete this task is not so good. so yes there was cheese and it was good. good enough for seconds!!! gasp!!!

so does this mean my faith has been restored in the dining services and that i can trust them to produce reliably edible and tasty food? no of course not. trust is not restored in one day. nor was Rome built in one day. speaking of Rome, I've decided that Diocletian was my least favourite emperor (early 300s AD). Vespasian and Trajan are up there, and of course Nero, but i think that is just a cop-out answer. so Diocletian it is.

and yes, it has been determined that Kelsey Pristach is working at the UC!!! crazy nuts stuff! not really sure how i should address the issue, if at all, but it was an interesting experience to read "KELSEY" on the nametag of the card swiping girl. very weird.

Redskins why do you suck.

Tech what is your deal?

I hate UVA.

Fleece is warm and snuggly.

Charlie is a mess.

Songs of the moment:

"Time and Time Again" and "Raining in Baltimore" by Counting Crows
"Healer" and "Much" by Ten Shekel Shirt

"So I fall on my knees
To get back on my feet again
And I cry out for You
Would You please speak to me"

"if dreams are like movies then memories are films about ghosts"

"I wanted so badly
Somebody other than me
Staring back at me
But you were gone"

it is more important where you turn when you have no support than where you rest when you're secure

uncomfortable situations breed change. with change you will put yourself back together or will fall apart even more. it is a choice. your will decides what route you will take.

i wish i had my camera tonight. with some T-MAX black and white film.

there is something about the way the entire campus is coated, immersed, consumed by fog and mist at four in the morning that is breath-taking. it is so beautiful to see the light break through the moisture-laden air and cast beams of shadows amid the clouds through which you walk. it is relaxing and incredible, but eerie at the same time. there were so many great shots that i saw tonight on my way back from studying that will probably not be capturable ever again. it must be the recent warm weather and the moisture in the air which is confusing the ground and air alike because they are convinced, as are most of us that it is supposed to be cold in November. apparently not. even looking out my window upon the soon-to-be-destroyed Barkesdale field, it looks as if my eyes are covered with a film of some sort. or that im looking through a milky, translucent whiteness similar to that described by Jose Saramago in Blindness.

its so strange, but so beautiful. it's amazing what God can do by manipulating the concentration of hydrogen and oxygen molecule combinations in the air. a great way to finish a stressful and frustrating night. reminder that it's not about me, it's not about grades. it's about life lived with purpose and lived to it's greatest extent.

i wish i had my camera tonight.

Thoughts for today:

Dining Services, what the heck am I paying you ridiculous amounts of money for? There is no good food to eat. We must revert to eating pizza, spinach and cereal for dinner. I know you will say, well that is a lot more than some people get to eat in this world. True. But i am paying The College enough money to buy some small countries. I should get good food in return.

PowerBook G4 15 inch......coolest thing ever. So psyched. I dont even know all the fun things it can do yet, but I'm learing and enjoying every second of it.

Best Sour Patch Kids combination in the mouth at the same time: red and green. Yum.

This is your life and it is ending one minute at a time.

Skinny-dipping is more socially acceptable for a gentleman than previously thought.

I am so glad my exam is over with and now i just have a ton more work to look forward to after the fun, but busy homecoming weekend.

The great thing about monkeys is.........EVERYTHING!

This feeling is like Napoleon facing the enemy single-handedly at Waterloo. Standing on the front lines of life without the security and comfort of that which encourages and supports.

"No one would choose a friendless existence on condition of having all the other things in the world." -Aristotle

"There are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet." -Charles Caleb Colton

"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for." -Dag Hammarskjold

"I never said, 'I want to be alone.' I only said, 'I want to be left alone.' There is all the difference. " - Greta Garbo

"The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.
Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?
The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.
Who can say, "I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin"?" -Proverbs 20:5-7,9


Chocolate milk just isn't the same without the chocolate. Tea needs its honey. Salt stands right next to pepper. Orange sherbert and vanilla ice cream go so well together. We are created for one other person. Once that person is found, there should be no extent to which you are unwilling to go, no sacrifice you are unwilling to make in order to keep that.

I want my rib back.

So I appreciate Governor Warner choosing The College as the location for his education reform announcement yesterday. I also commend him for deciding to do something about education which is the critical element of society which has been hurt the most by budget problems. His solution, however, is not right. Let's first point out that Virginia has a collection of great colleges and universities in one state and therefore they should be the priority. Maintaining William and Mary, Virginia Tech, JMU, George Mason, Mary Washington, ODU, Christopher Newport and that school in Charlottesville should be the top priority. I am joking of course about UVA in this situation because of the schools in Virginia, they are the ones that think they are the closest to the academic level of William and Mary. Even if this is not true, they are still getting more and more recognition nationally and by becoming popular, their average freshman GPA and SAT scores are rising. Whether the school is getting any better is another matter. But competition and rivalries are not what is important at this point. VT and UVA have good football programs. VT is much better, but that doesn't matter. Virginia schools are therefore getting national recognition. VT's engineering program is incredible and is one of the best justifications for going to that school. Why can we not focus the state education money on preserving and increasing the quality of learning in these schools (W&M, VT, UVA, JMU, GMU) instead of allocating it elsewhere or even trying to create new universities that will take years to develop anyways.
The main problem with Warner's new program, other than the fact that it is yet another of his multiple programs that our state does not have the funds to support or complete well, is the fact that he is focusing on the wrong thing. Instead of focusing on having less students in these institutions and therefore more individual focus and because of this a better QUALITY of education (which is what a certain school in Williamsburg is about....but even here that vision is being lost), Warner thinks that it would be better to spend taxpayers' dollars on more QUANTITY of education. Meaning that what taxpayers get for their buck is not a better educated, brighter, business-leading, society-contributing graduate, what they get is more graduates with a poorer education. It is bad enough that more and more students are saturating our campuses making every aspect of the education process harder from studying to registering to participating to parking, but most important, actual learning is suffering. By Warner saying that he wants to increase the NUMBER (not quality) of graduates from 47,000 to 57,000 by the end of the decade it shows that he doesn't care about how much is learned or how much they will be able to contribute to society after graduation, all he cares about is numbers and being competitive and getting more tuition money. The more people you have rotating through these schools (which are already beyond capacity and are struggling to grow fast enough) the more revenue is produced. Clearly the state only cares about cash and not about the future, which Warner claims he is investing in.

And since the state only cares about money and the colleges and universities are starting to care about money more and more because the state is not giving them enough, the question then becomes, Warner are you proposing that this increase in graduates be more in-state or out-of-state students? Diversity is great, and I can understand why a college or university would want to have students from all over the nation. When you are a state school and much of you r support comes from the taxpayers in that state, shouldn't they be the ones that get priority? Sure in-state students get cheaper tuition, but is that enough? Their parents have been paying for college since before they were born because they have had to pay taxes for those schools. Yet in-state students that meet the high standards of these schools, which are getting harder to get into because of the great high school systems in Virginia, are being rejected to provide a spot for an out-of-state student who may not be as qualified but is admitted because they make the school's stats look better. So what is the result? Our schools go to crap because the focus is on having more students rather than better education and maybe even less students (gasp!). And these students that push the campus populations over the limit will most likely come from out-of-state making taxpayers who have paid for their children to attend a state school have to pay high out-of-state tuition because their child's spot is taken by someone from another state who will provide the university more money.

He also is proposing that budget be increased. These budgets, however, are restricted to development and research. Both of these allocations are great and they should be parts of colleges and universities that get money, but why not just increase the allocation of taxpaying dollars to the schools themselves and let the schools (and maybe even the students!!! What a novel idea!) decide how the money should be distributed the best based on their own goals and needs. The governor is attempting to look good and look like he is focusing on the wrong things, but is really just trying to get more money for the state and only gives out money in such a way that the state still has some control over it. There is a lot that needs to be done to preserve the high-quality academic institutions we have in this state, and it is surprising that Warner actually realizes that. It is just unfortunate that he is going about it the wrong way.

So instead of decreasing the number of students so the quality of education goes up, we will take tax dollars, reject in-state students, accept way too many out-of-state students, take their high tuition money and then invest a little bit of it in the wrong programs at the schools. Way to go Warner. That's just what we need. Give me a break.

This blog is still under constuction. I am not in the habit of posting regularly or at all for that matter. So if it were to be related to human development, the development of this blog would be similar to Piaget's sensorimotor stage. Very early in the process. Don't fret, it will be better in the future. For now, please excuse the lists of CDs and DVDs. Many people asked me to post them in a location where everyone could access them for ideas for my brithday. This seemed like a good place. Enjoy.

Here is the list of DVDs:

Matrix Reloaded
The Animatrix
Pulp Fiction
Reservoir Dogs
Fight Club (2 disc)
Last of the Mohicans
Cry Freedom
Stalker (Tarkovsky)
Solaris (by Tarkovsky)
The Mirror (Tarkovsky)
The Sacrifice (Tarkovsky)
Dreams (Akira Kurosawa)
Amelie
Count of Monte Cristo
Pi
Memento
Red Violin
X-Men
X-Men 2
The Family Guy (Season 1 or 2)
Minority Report
Waiting for Guffman
JFK
Nixon
2 Days in the Valley
Seven Samurai
The Seventh Seal
Scarface
Good Will Hunting
The Pianist
Dead Poets Society
Smallville (first season)
A Mighty Wind
Angry Kid Collection
SNL Best of Dana Carvey
SNL Best of Adam Sandler
The Hire (bmwfilms.com)
Yamakasi
Anger Management
Identity

Here is a list of CDs I really want and will eventually get around to buying. If you need some ideas for birthday presents, feel free to look here. you dont have to get me anything and if you have a better idea, that is even better. thanks. (sorry it's long) I encourage use of www.awarestore.com or www.half.com if you are looking to purchase items online.

Ben Folds
- Speed Graphic
- Live CD (with bonus DVD)
- Naked Baby Photos

Glen Phillips
-abulum
-Live at Largo

Matt Nathanson
-Still Waiting for Spring

O.A.R
-In Between Now and Then
-Any Time Now

G Love and Special Sauce
-It’s Just that Easy

Dashboard Confessional
-A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar (CD/DVD)
-So Impossible
-Swiss Army Romance
-Places You Have Come to Fear the Most

Pete Schmidt
-On Your Way to Fly

Ben Harper
-3 CD Box Collection
-Burn to Shine

Matt Wertz
-Twenty Three Places

Yo-Yo Ma
-Obrigado Brazil

Sister Hazel
-Chasing Daylight

Third Eye Blind
-Out of the Vein
-Third Eye Blind

Jim Bianco
-Well Within Reason

Virginia Coalition
-Townburg

Carbon Leaf
-5 Alive

Angie Aparo
-For Stars and Moon

Edie Carey
-When I Was Made

Soundtrack
-Last of the Mohicans
-O Brother Where Art Thou?
-8 Mile
-Adaptation
-Snatch

Buena Vista Social Club

3 Doors Down
-The Better Life

Yo la Tengo
-Genius + Love = Yo la Tengo
-And then nothing turned itself inside out
-Summer Sun

Gavin DeGraw
-Chariot

Ari Hest
-Story After Story

The Shins
-Oh, Inverted World

Lifehouse
-No Name Face
-Stanley Climbfall (enhanced)

Radiohead
-Hail to the Thief
-Enigmatic (string tribute)
-Strung out on OK Computer (Various artists)

Coldplay
-A Rush of Blood to the Head

Jeff Magnum
-Live at Jittery Joe’s

Maroon 5
-Songs About Jane

Chantal Kreviazuk
-What if it all Means Something
-Colour Moving and Still

Howie Day
-Australia
-Madrigals

Christopher Jak
-Applause of the Rain

Tears from Heaven

PAX217
-twoseventeen

MxPx
-Slowly Going the Way of the Buffalo
-Before Everything and After

Switchfoot
-Learning to Breathe
-New Way to be Human
-The Beautiful Letdown

Tenacious D
-self titled

ok so honestly.....when the dining services give you a survey to fill out about what you would like changed why is there not a section where you can write in "can we please be served real food so that our meals don't reinforce the conception that we are starving from malnutrition in a Russian military camp outside Stalingrad in October 1942." i mean honeslty....give me a break. there are so few times when i have ever had something that is good. it is as if we are forcing ourselves to consume some slop in order to continue to move and maintain homeostasis. the few times i have had something good, it is such a shock that i dont know what to do with myself. my response is to eat it every time till the positive response is habituated and i no longer want that food. hmmmm peanut butter sandwiches when i was a kid anyone? i think so. basically, the state needs to focus on education and make that a priority, give us more money so that we can continue to be a great institution and so that students won't get so frustrated. we are here for the academics, but that doesnt mean we have to be emaciated or ill-fed at the same time.

disclaimer: the macaroni and cheese at the marketplace is good and occasionally the brocoli and cheese soup or clam chowder....but as i said, i get sick of eating just those things. Also, I am not directly blaming the dining services workers because i think they work really hard and do a great job with what they have to work with.

so after the trips up and down the east coast this weekend for my brother's wedding, which was beautiful and totally worth it, not only have i put an extra 500 miles on my car, but i am now convinced that it's about ready to start pushing up the daisies. this car is no more, it has ceased to be. it is bereft of life, it rests in peace. if you hadnt nailed it to the perch it would already be joining the choir invisible. this is an ex parrot...i mean car. tangents. they are killer. so like i was saying, the thing i am most concerned about is the fact that the car is about to pack it's bags for the eternal kingdom. it was either three or four years ago that this car was handed down to me because may parents didnt trust it and were concerned that it might break down on my brother as he was driving. he gets a used GTI. i get the car on its deathbed with malaria, syphilis, Sumerian yellow fever and the common Russian cold. not that i dont like the car, i do. it's just that if im going to have a car, i dont want to drive like a chipmunk waiting for a bomb to go off. unfortunate series of events.
speaking of which. "dont piss me off" of the day: dont come to dinner, or any other meal that matter, in a public place and bring magazines and books to read instead of conversing with people. what i'm not good enough for you? harry potter is better? if so then why should i spend time to come out to a meal with you if you aren't going to talk to me. and beyond that, with your nose in the book i cant even see your face. give me a break.

disclaimer: i love reading and encourage it to people of all ages, just be respectful. do it later while using Pine-sol on your rug-burn or eating yams with the llamas. considers others first. be third.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind." Basically, it's made up of two separate words--"mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't

something is always happening, but when it happens, people dont always see it or understand it....or accept it

Anything that can go wrong will. You just never know. You never really know what curves life will throw at you. What is lurking around the corner, what is hovering above, what is swimming beneath the surface. You never know when you might be called upon to perform an act of extreme bravery and to choose life and death with your own actions. Boy Scouts know what they are talking about. Be prepared.

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographers fault, Bigfoot is blurry and that's extra scary to me. He's just a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside.

I know when I'm going to die because my birth certificate has an expiration date on it.

"My mom says there are a lot of black people in Africa."

"If only women would examine their breasts as much as every man around them does. Then we might have a fighting chance."
-Singapore Breast Cancer Society