wilbur isnt the only one....


let down and hanging around

on the boulevard of broken dreams


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

You can't resist her.
She's in your bones.
She is your marrow
And your ride home.

You can't avoid her.
She's in the air... in the air
In between molecules of
Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide.


This is gonna sound a little obsessive
This is gonna sound a little bit strange
I have one thing to say
Before I turn and I walk away

Hey you can be with me
Yeah 'cause I just might be the one
Who will treat you like you're perfect
Who will always make you come
Hey you can be with me
Yes I will always let you win
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be your unemployed boyfriend

This is gonna sound a little bit out there
This is gonna sound a little insane
I keep having the same dream
You will be the mother of my children someday
Someday

I heard you sleep with that obnoxious guy
I know he is in that famous band
You look so sad when you are with him
Yes I never see him reach to hold your hand

Yeah you can be with me
Yes I will treat you like a queen
I will go to all those chick flick movies
That I really don't want to see
Yeah you can be with me
No I will never let you down




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

wearing ear muffs doesnt help me study
by blocking out all the outside noise
it just makes the voices inside my head that much louder


swemming to freedom has its psychological side effects
everyone is insane here

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

the lights are up and working. so amazing. ESPN2 is here. in williamsburg. broadcasting from Zable stadium. primetime across the country tomorrow night. William and Mary will destroy JMU on national television and in front of a sold out crowd. it doesnt get much better than that.


at least it is something to look forward to that will help me make it through the rest of this week and this exam tomorrow....



FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS BABY!

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

a haiku:
students wait for primetime game
Tribe Pride flows over
Chattanooga will soon come


personal expression:
i have my ticket
i am going to paint
i dont care how cold it is
i will yell my head off
i will lose my voice
i will love every second of it
i am a member of the TRIBE


and yes i will paint up for my final i have on friday and wear a shirt over top so that i can take it off and go nuts....DO NOT MISS THIS GAME! GET YOUR TICKET!

ok....enough from me

The I in TRIBE


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

i gave you your own room
right next to mine
a closet, closed and locked tight
i've got the key to open whenever
but i don't let anyone else in

you have your own key
i made you a house key too
your very own copy
doesnt get as much use now
but more than i thought

the trouble is
and i didnt realize it at the time
but when i gave you the house key
i was saying the door is always open
you can come back any time
and either fix things up
or destroy everything

you have it now
i already gave it to you
and i cant change the locks



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

necessity is the father of invention, passion the mother of intervention

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

here's to the crazy ones
the misfits
the rebels
the trouble makers
the round pegs in the square holes
the ones who see things differently
they're not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo

you can quote them
disagree with them
glorify or villify them
about the only thing you can't do is ignore them
because they change things
they push the human race forward
and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius
because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world
are the ones who do.


Think Different
Life is Innovation


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

love is a ghost train rumbling through the darkness....


what if the end of my drive was a left onto Bristol...

you were so much to look forward to
how can one summer break all my rules
you may think im just playing the fool
all im saying is im lonely and the one that im missing is you


time to get back to the basics
back to the core
find the source
find the life
find the love, joy, and peace

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

Friendship is when people know all about you but they like you anyway


vote for pedro


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

they say plastic surgery can become an obsession, perhaps even an addiction for some people who are never satisfied with their appearance. But there has to come a point sometime in your life when you wake up and look in the mirror and say, "Good Lord, what did I do? I need to stop this before my face is the consistency of Barbie's" and this is what that day looks like:




sorry for the nightmares...
any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

the weather in williamsburg yet again brings gloom
a dark cloud raining heavy this time
soaked soul weighed down

late night gives birth to another early morning
the cycle of loss
never gaining more

just make it all go away



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

just a thought

it is probably a bad thing when i find myself blacking out when trying to study and then waking up and not knowing where i am....i think the fact that i am convinced that i am studying somewhere else is a good thing.....and yet again my brain gets lost. no quite sure where it went....

i look to my eskimo friend when i am down

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

yup

that is me

very much so right now



....

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

my hair is a mess
and it isnt because the top is down

i am a mess
and it isnt because of green birthday cake

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

my back has never cracked this much
my brain has never hurt this much
i have never felt this close to insanity
never knew it could be like this

the week from hell continues. what is the deal?
gimme a frickin break?


and if you are at all interested in seeing what the true, original, uninhibitted, unrestrained, not limited, not controlled, not subdued or toned down, version of Dan Belen.....now would be the time. inhibitions are dropped as are masks. this is when the crazies start to come out. you are right i need sleep. but part of me says that i am more fun when i am exhausted. i will fight it only in order to get through this exam and then the insanity will flow forth like wine and the llamas will flock like the salmon of capestrano. come get your food tina! you fat tub of lard, come eat your food!

russian monkeys
tadashi
shwiggle, fliggle, miskerbumptik

wow. i have no idea what i am doing anymore....




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

currently, my life is utterly unfathomable and out of control....



working on a paper in the library and tyler all day
multiple oral presentation study groups coming in the room while i am trying to write the paper
finally leave because i cant concentrate with those people talking all the time
but not before having a ridiculous talk with a certain person online
getting home, writing a $290 check
then making sure that i can get the campus special from Chanello's pizza
and then driving to pick it up because i dont want to pay the tip
realizing that you havent actually lived or experienced college unless you have had Chanello's
sometime after 1am of course
then spontaneously and randomly stopping at Dunkin Donuts to see my favorite friend
ridiculous transaction
name donuts, she picks up two of each, nine total donuts, puts them in a bag
and then asks me how much money i want to pay her
WHAT!
i dont know what to say
she says three bucks and i am like wow....umm totally
and then she is like, actually, how about $2.61
which was great cause i got to get rid of some change
then i come home, give smitty a donut and then get something to drink from the fridge
only to remember that i had bought a Boo-Koo Extreme Energy drink at 7-11 for my trip back from Northern Va last week
so that is what i am drinking
1000mg of Taurine
27g of sugar
actual statement on side of the can: "Not recommended for children, pregnant or nursing women, people with heart conditions or persons sensitive to caffeine. Consume responsibly. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease."
but does it cause disease?
anyways.....i have 24oz to go!!! horray!
i guess i will get this paper written after all....
but it will make about as much sense as poking a badger with a spoon

wow


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

frickin girls...
i dont like them anymore...
any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

I'm a wanderer,
I have no place or time,
I'm just drifting on this lonely road of mine,
If you like you can come along with me,
But I promise you that I am not the man I used to be

Now you and I we've seen our share of ups and downs,
Somewhere we just lost hope,
I can't change the past but who cares?
Your love is all I've ever known,

And if you would accept me for me,
Then I promise you that there's a better man inside of me

I wish you freedom
I wish you peace
I wish you nights of stars
That beckon you to sleep
I wish you heartache
That leaves you more of a man


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

a quote from a Dog Street Journal opinion article on the social phenomenon that is casual sex...

"But keep in mind that casual sex is not the only option. Sometimes, you can actually find a hint of love out there and that deeper connection that people talk about every once in a while..."

no comment made about the emotional connection between the two people. there is no such thing as being totally and completely unattached. there is a connection made there, as is evident in almost every relationship that falls apart after being built on the foundation of sex. you cant give that much of yourself and say that you dont feel anything or that you arent getting emotionally attached. that doesnt work.


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

Dear College of William and Mary,
I would like to inform you that upon graduation from this institution, you can save yourself the money and time it would take to print and mail anything in regards to the alumni association or donating to the College. Based on your defiant decision today to continue with the ludicrous and disrespectful plan to build a dorm on Barkesdale with no regard for the students or alumni or Williamsburg community or for the tradition of this institution, I will not financially support such an end. The plan for the dorm, though contrived with good intentions is horrible and excluded, from the start, the possibility of other plans, which would have been better. The opinion of the students was completely ignored, even directly at a meeting of the notorious Board of Visitors. The beauty and prestige of that field, combined with its practical use as it relates to campus life was not accounted for, or if it was only minimally. The plan for the dorm itself will not deal with the student population problem in an appropriate way, nor the best way. The dorm will be yet another ugly building deviating from the traditional style of the original Old Campus buildings. It will be in full view of all cars driving on Jamestown Road once it is completed and the construction no longer shuts down large segments of one of the bordering roads of the College and Colonial Williamsburg.

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

my most recent interest and attempt is to try to post the William and Mary Swem Team video online. i have posted it on my .mac homepage. it has worked for me perfectly, even though the video is not full screen obviously. but i have tried to get other people to check and see if it works for them, and they say it has not. they say they can get to the page where it is supposed to open but the video doesnt load. i dont know if that is because they do not have the most recent version of quicktime or what. but anyways. try it and tell me what you find out

http://homepage.mac.com/neochachi/iMovieTheatre19.html

let me know if it works.....

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

Sometimes what is good is not always what is best
Sometimes what you want is not always what is meant

Highlights from today:

sleeping with rainy day outside
getting new CD that is really good
wine tasting at the Williamsburg Winery
SK tipsy
having to drive two guys home because they couldnt handle their wine
MONGOLIAN!!!




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

i'm a wanderer
i have no place or time
im just drifting on this lonely road of mine

and if you would accept me for me
then i promise you that there is a better man inside of me



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

welcome back
i will let you in
but you will not take control
you dont own me
and no i dont owe you anything
i've come too far
i've learned too much
i will not go back

but i will not deny what i know
and what i feel
so with caution
with excitement
bathed in prayer
i will give it another try
i will allow the possibility of "us" again

my focus is not you
my focus is more on me
not in a selfish way, but in order to grow
to become who i am meant to be
to live in His amazing love and grace
to be fulfilled by Him
not desiring anything more
and thus allowing for the blessing that you are
above and beyond all that he has done for me

walk with me
not in front trying to lead me or direct me
not above me looking down upon me, making me feel inadequate
not behind me, holding onto my shirt and holding me back
not controlling or manipulating or directing
just supporting and allowing me to live
trusting me to obey
trusting that even though i dont know what i'm doing
all that i do will be from Him
even if it doesnt make sense
like last year
it doesnt make sense
it didnt seem right
but it needed to happen
it is all in His plan
and i will submit to his wisdom
and guidance

you need to let me do that
i'm not following you
i'm not trying to impress you
i am me
i am what God wants me to be
and i will become that man in His time
i will be who i am
if that isnt good enough, then that is your problem
and i wont change that to appease you
but if it is, then you are welcome...

let's try this again
different but the same
better and wiser...


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

wow
what a night...
unfathomable
incredible

colin farrell at the leafe in plaid pajama pants....ridiculous

Bible study/small group. so awesome. ridiculous, but awesome.
Galatians never knew so many tangents or so many ridiculous comments
this is going to be some really good guy time though
and we arent going to be the ones to conform all the time
Christian men aren't called to be the "nice guy"
take risks
live large
take charge
follow passionately and completely
serve and love without exception
be courageous

you're all i want, you're all i've ever needed


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

dont try
you cant
i wont let you

you cannot hold me back
you cannot keep me down
i will be myself
nothing more, nothing less
love me or hate me, that is all i can be
just me

yet again i go unnoticed
and underappreciated
and left high and dry
only to fall back down

it is time to set out again
hit that road
find that goal
face those fears
get dirty
make friends
make enemies
take risks
and come out on top

it will be worth it
the present cannot stop me
dont settle, dont give up hope
dont let up, dont give in
the knowledge must be applied
revelation must become action

time to find myself again
he was chased away
never again shall he be hidden or suppressed

you dont own me and you shall not control me





any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

wow. it has been a while. for those wondering what is going on, im still alive and doing well. Salzburg is incredible and the European experience is great. i love every aspect except for the limited internet access. this is only the second time that i have gotten online. that is why i havent been updating more. it is beautiful here right now, but it was raining for a while there. all is forgotten and forgiven though. the classes im taking are no doubt hard and im working really hard to do well. this means really busy days and late nights. that is all for now. postcards aplenty should be sent out soon, if i can get enough stamps. we will see. off to prague early tomorrow (4:30am) which will be really cool. Enjoy the states! see you all soon!

D


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

top down
shades on
sunshine and tunes flowing
blonde hair tossed by the wind
the occasional wave to a friend
my smile grows bigger and bigger
even if my lips dont part on the outside
a laugh breaks out
as i shake my fist in defiance
that storm wont stop me
i will only press the pedal harder
and ride on the wings of my soul
back safe at home

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

if i made you cry
please tell me why
i'll try again
if you let me try

you made me cry

nobody's romantic cause it's too early for dancin'
but here comes the music

hands down this is the best day i can ever remember
always remember the sound of the stereo
the dim of the soft lights
the scent of your hair that you twirled on your finger

and the walk that we shared together

then i am still and wait here in the silence
until you come and sit a while with me

if you put your arms around me
could it change the way i feel?

we are not infinite

like frank sinatra
like elvis and his mom
like al pacino's cash

life is still more than girls
life is more than hundred dollar bills

in the car up ahead...
pull out of town and into the night
and im left driving home on my own...
next time we'll take the long way home
and you can play your favourite song
we'll hold hands and sing along
up ahead there's love

as he comes towards you
he's waving as you lift him up to see
what you can see

you were just friends
at least thats what you said
but now i know better


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

the heart of a man is like deep water...



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

deep within us - no matter who we are - there lives a feeling of wanting to be lovable, of wanting to be the kind of person that others like to be with. and the greatest thing we can do is to let people know they are loved and capable of loving.

love isnt a perfect state of caring. it's an active noun like struggle. to love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.

there is only one thing that evil cannot stand and that is forgiveness

love and trust, in the space between what's said and what's heard in our life, cant make all the difference in this world.


- the genius of Mr rogers



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

(i apologize for the language in some of these quotes. i feel like you will be able to look past the word choice of characters in a script to the meaning behind the words)

Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.


You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you've met she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other.

Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.

there will be bad times, but they'll just wake you up to the good ones you were missing

You're sitting on a winning lottery tickey and you're too big of a pussy to cash it in.

maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels

...I have to go see about a girl...




"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

hugh grant you suck at life


advice: wear sunscreen and avoid girls at all costs

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

soft moonbeams cast shadows on damp grass
thoughts of things that never last
memories flood back from nights past
and take me away

the song of joy i find on my lips
the inner scream i never earned
like hot coffee taken in small sips
too much, too hot, too fast
leaves you feeling burned

this is what ive learned
this is what ive known
this is my life
it's all i own

so up, so down
so inside out
so confusing and dichotomous



God, i know i need to trust you.
i just wish you would stop making me

God, i know you love me
i just wish you wouldn't take the rest away


all i know...
is the bleeding in my heart
and the healing in your touch...


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

yet again amazed at God's presence when i dont expect it. being confronted and convicted and challenged. it is a great place to be and im loving being in His presence again and just soaking up His love. here are some of the verses that have meant a lot to me in the past couple days and have reminded me what is really important and have convicted me in a couple cases. here is the revelation that induces change. change that hurts and that my flesh hates and fights. but it is who i am called to be. it is who i want to be. it is time that i lived up to it.


"The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it" John 1:5
"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12
"For you were once in darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of the light (for the fruit oof the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the lifht becomes visible..." -Eph. 5:8-13

"'In your anger do not sin': do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Eph. 4:26-27

"Be compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you." Eph. 4:32

"and pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests..." -Eph. 6:18

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Gal. 6:9

"...let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth..." 1 John 3:18

"We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19

"...for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him." 2 Peter 2:19


reasons few have i to go back again




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

Now we know how thin the ice was
No doubt it is still
Should we therefore refrain from walking
Once these large broken holes are filled in again?

like a slave running back to his plantation in South Carolina two days after Lincoln's Emancipation. Not everyone and everything is changed immediately. not all wounds are healed. It would be lunacy to run back to an oppressive master so soon after freedom was declared.

like walking into the lion's den because there is a sign outside that says everything is ok, everything is safe.
if the construction of bridge isnt finished, dont go running across it because you see a flat surface to walk on



the lesson is, why bother. it wont ever really happen. no one will really care enough. no one will really ever understand. is it that it is too complex or is it that it doesnt matter because people have better things to worry about or would rather forward their own agendas. how many times will this happen?
how many times will i hear my crying heart hit the hard floor, dropped once again by hands i trusted...

ive had enough
freaking girls
on guard


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

i think being referred to as a "silly boy" even out of jest and as a joke is one of the things that i cant stand and pisses me off more than anything else. granted, i dont necessarily expect you to call me a "man" at this stage in my life (not that it wouldnt be nice and i wouldnt be flattered and glad to hear it) because our society isnt structured in such a way that manhood is determined by age or anything specific and quantifiable by an observer. therefore you cant reason that i am a man because i am a certain age or have gone through a certain ceremony or rite de passage. but regardless, that is an embarassing thing to be called. perhaps at time i get excited and purposefully act slightly less reserved and austere and therefore there is some sort of excuse for thinking of me acting like a little boy or a silly boy. but are you really deceived? can you really not tell? or is this just your way of exalting yourself above me in some way and through degradation elevate yourself above me. you are just trying to label me as immmature and stupid in comparison to yourself so that you feel better about yourself and like you have risen to a higher level of existence. i cant stand it.



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

Dan Belen’s Top 100 Favorite Films (plus five that just barely missed the cut)
explanations for the top five included as requested by steve

1. The Matrix
This is still my favorite film to watch, even after seeing it this many times. The Wachowski Brothers’ genius is their beautiful, revolutionary and awe-inspiring fusion of religion, philosophy, psychology, action, fantasy and special effects. Don Davis’ score is one of the best ever created. This is the role Keanu Reeves was born for and it should be the last role he ever plays. In makes you think, but in a way that makes you say, “wow, brilliant!” and dig deeper and deeper into the subconscious levels of this world.
2. Fight Club
This is a mind-twisting joyride into the world of abnormal psychology as socially influenced by our society’s construct of masculinity and power. Some of my favorite quotes come from this movie. This is one of the few roles Brad Pitt plays that I actually like. Most others just piss me off. Yet again, this film is genius. Look at it from the perspective of men in America or from the perspective of a man suffering from DID, schizophrenia and psychogenic fugue states. Either way, it is hardcore, fun and powerful.
3. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
To say this film is an epic or is climactic or is powerful or emotional are all understatements. It is all of these things and more. The beauty and power and complete world of the greatest literary trilogy ever written has been captured by Peter Jackson in these three films, but this one in particular. This is the closest anyone can ever get to depicting J.R.R Tolkien’s world and work in a film. This is not a substitute for the books, but it is the best application of a literary masterpiece that has ever been made.
4. Good Will Hunting
Another one of my favorite psychological movies. I know it may be kinda mushy, but it is a great film. It hits you hard. Both Matt and Ben do a great job in this film, even if I cant stand much they have done since. The pain and suffering, the genius waiting to get out, the friendship and brotherly love. What it means to be a man and what it takes for so many guys to face the pain of their past which they have kept hidden for so long.
5. Boondock Saints
These guys rock. Totally hardcore. They don’t back down. They do what they want and they follow their convictions. No comment on if this is really what God meant in His commandments or if we are still under the oppression of the Law. Everything about this movie is rockin’ and makes me smile. So many great scenes, both funny and action-packed. Great soundtrack too. You know you want one of their coats. Oh, and Veritas/Aequitas tattoos anyone? Yeah, this guy.
6. Pulp Fiction
7. Seven
8. Last of the Mohicans
9. Braveheart
10. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
11. Memento
12. Snatch
13. Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
14. Usual Suspects
15. Finding Forrester
16. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
17. Trainspotting
18. Blue (Kieslowski)
19. Dead Poets Society
20. Being John Malkovich
21. American History X
22. X-Men 2
23. The Matrix Revolutions
24. Sphere
25. Cry Freedom
26. Godfather
27. Seven Samurai (Kurasawa)
28. Citizen Kane
29. Red (Kieslowski)
30. The Power of One
31. Billy Elliot
32. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
33. Amadeus
34. Forrest Gump
35. Fallen
36. White (Kieslowski)
37. Romeo and Juliet
38. The Patriot
39. We Were Soldiers
40. Remember the Titans
41. The Matrix Reloaded
42. High Fidelity
43. The Saint
44. Die Hard
45. Monty Python and the Life of Brian
46. Tommy Boy
47. Empire Records
48. Sweet Sixteen
49. Enemy at the Gates
50. Zoolander
51. Die Hard with a Vengeance
52. The Jackal
53. Identity
54. Scarface
55. The Big Lebowski
56. Kiss of the Dragon
57. The Hurricane
58. I Am Sam
59. Sneakers
60. Philadelphia
61. Monsters Inc.
62. Rushmore
63. Titus
64. Sleepers
65. The Mothman Prophecies
66. Saving Private Ryan
67. The Hunt for the Red October
68. The Rookie
69. Tears of the Sun
70. The Game
71. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
72. O’ Brother Where Art Thou?
73. Thirteen Days
74. Go
75. Armageddon
76. Dumb and Dumber
77. X-Men
78. Super Troopers
79. Minority Report
80. Amelie
81. Girl, Interrupted
82. Black Hawk Down
83. Blade
84. 8 Mile
85. Saving Silverman
86. Adaptation
87. The Bone Collector
88. Gettysburg
89. Spider-man
90. Rainmaker
91. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
92. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
93. Top Gun
94. Silence of the Lambs
95. Office Space
96. Ran
97. Ghost World
98. The Red Violin
99. My Big, Fat Greek Wedding
100. Reservoir Dogs

Honorable Mention (you didnt quite make it):

The Negotiator
Liar Liar
The Rainman
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Goldfinger

it's been very hard to make this list and the more i look at it the more i think i should change things. and i know that my opinions will change. but im going to stick with this list for now because it seems to cover a lot of my favourite movies and in a pretty good sequential order. also note that this is my favorite films, not the films that i consider to be the best films of all time. granted there is some overlap there, but there are definitely movies on this list that i like to watch, but i wouldnt call them great films. i feel like there are enough lists of greatest films, so this is better. comment if you wish, but this is my opinion, so i dont know how you can contest anything written here.


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

But now everything's trying to drag me down
But I'll rip the sky from the ground
But tell me now, who's my saving one


this life...
strange and puzzling
amazing and fulfilling
cold and confusing
wonderful and perfect
painful and frustrating


like a long trek through the mountains, just as you get to the top of a ridge, it is at that specific point that you start going back down. no longer how hard you try, that time spent on top of the mountain is not prolonged and maintained indefinitely.

stay on your toes
be prepared
you never know what will happen
but its probably a good plan to expect the worst
because that is probably what you will get


sounds like a plan
goodbye? hello?
who knows...



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

i have been blessed so much in the things i am able to do and experience. spending time with a great group of guys in california. watching great ultimate, hanging out and joking and having a great time.

stanford invite
great games
coaching the team
clipboard
headaches
losing voice
the incapacitated group
biggy T's magic lemonade
elizabeth visiting the fields (well done and much appreciated T)
mildly restrained heckling
spiking on Humbolt multiple times
haircut
getting fixed up for OG
"game, set, match, balls"
Elaine....
visit from Erin
sunglasses tan

driving to santa barbara
80s music everywhere
spanish polka
in and out burger
silly people at carls jr.
gravity has it out for me

santa barbara
incredible house
feeling like cocaine drug lord
feeling the need to have girls in our incredible house

tons of cereal
girls on the beach
volleyball tournament
skim board
flirting with swedish chicks
flirting with other girls on the beach
getting sun
pizza fascists
blonde hair coming out
beirut tournament
good beer & good company at the brewery
hot waitress, good directions
scott and aaron being loud
scott completely toasted
art killing everyone
frustration in the semis

volleyball tournament
come from behind
ridiculous spikes and serves
nominated as a 5 star player
more sun
beer on the beach
bikini volleyball...
road trip to LA with good company
good chocolate and high school kids
pool, darts and snakes
sunset boulevard
the beanery, totally sweet time
karaoke....sheesh
scratching after sinking the 8 ball...
jason gray-stanford (monk)
anthony mighella (talented mr ripley, english patient, cold mountain)
katie holmes....yummy, but not nice
riding the bull
those cant be real...plastic sugery anyone?
those are out!
yahtzee!
late nights and early mornings

more volleyball
volleybultimate
ladies
misty plumb.....meow....honestly....shmeow shmeow
laruen and emmy
oh scotty, your green jersey....
this is your dough...
some larry
totally stoked about your dough
i dont think that counts as a fetish...
Jesus putting on the moves too fast
scotty sloshed twice in one day = worst headache ever in the car ride
confusion over car on side of the road
chad running naked in the fields?
helicopter chasing the driver?
late night at the gas station...with indians spying on me
denny's at 3am....
jackson and the asian invasion
tom...finally got the english muffin
scott, no hot chocolate


more to come...


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

The life which is unexamined is not worth living

Life is a sequence of changes
Life is a journey
Life is a continuous collection of adaptations and assimilations
Life is meant to be lived, but in order to live, you must experience.
Life is not meant to be lived in a closed box.

You need to get away some times. Broaden your horizons. See new things, understand different perspectives and live in a different culture.

In order to discover who you are, sometimes you have to step outside of who you have always been.

my eyes are opened. my soul is ready. my heart is anxious for something new.



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

how could i ever have doubted you
your providence and wisdom amaze me
you knew what was best
you had a plan
it is so much better, so much greater
you know what i need
and orchestrate my life so that those things occur
not the things i want, necessarily

hindsight is 20/20
i can see why
i understand and am humbled and amazed
you never promised it would be easy
quite the opposite
i asked for it
i needed it
and after all is said and done
i am thankful for it
and for you





any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

its time i gave up and gave in
its time to move on
and leave it all behind
i cant let this drag me down
it isnt worth it


i have known love
and love has known me
i was unaware
it has always been waiting for me
to just turn around
and receive it

that is the true love
that i now know


john 15:13-14


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

some interesting quotes from a frequently ignored speech by Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. (4 April 1967)

needless to say, this is a side of King's political opinions that is not highly publicized. I thought it was interesting. i know, quite a different type of posting than usual.

"Even when pressed by the demands of inner truth, men do not easily assume the task of opposing their government's policy...Nor does the human spirit move without great difficulty against all the apathy of conformist thought within one's own bosom and in the surrounding world..."

"Some of us who have already begun to break the silence of the night have found that the calling to speak is often a vocation of agony, but we must speak."

"I come to this platform tonight to make a passionate plea to my beloved nation."

"I knew that America would never invest the necessary funds or energies in rehabilitation of its poor so long as adventures like Vietnam continued to draw men and skills and money like some demonic destructive suction tube"

"So we have been repeatedly faced with the cruel irony of watching Negro and white boys on TV screens as they kill and die together for a nation that has been unable to seat them together in the same schools"

"I knew that I could never again raise my voice against the violence of the oppressed in the ghettos without having first spoken clearly to the greatest purveyor of violence in the world today -- my own government. For the sake of those boys, for the sake of this government, for the sake of hundreds of thousands trembling under our violence, I cannot be silent."

"When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights, are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, extreme materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered."

"True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring."


his speech was not well-liked. conspiracy theory holds that he was assassinated on that date a year later (April 4th 1968) because of his views.

no comment....

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

the clock on the wall sees everything...
it's just ticking away

God does not give us overcoming life, He gives us life as we overcome

A human being is capable of depression, otherwise there would be no capacity for exaltation

"many cases might occur in which one would have need of the love and sympathy of others, and in which...he would deprive himself of all hope of the aid he desires" -Immanuel Kant

"human beings generall have lost the possibility in fact; indeed, their knowledge of their authenticity is falsified by being tied up with the opinion that they have control over it." -Rudolf Bultmann

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

if love is just a game, i must have missed the kick off




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

words all too familiar, forever repeated.
more voices attempt to affirm
yet they only add doubt
the truth has since left that statement
the hope and happiness and joy,
future reward escapes once again
with repetition only comes pain
i thought i had finally answered
it had been given
the gift anticipated and predicted prayerfully
yet not. and if not then when? where? how?
-insert Sunday school answer here-
in all honesty, doubt and loneliness are the products
of an encouraging word intended to love and care
the thought is appreciated
thanks for caring
if only you knew how many times i have heard that
and the difference between what it used to mean
and what it means now
not your fault
i just hope your right
cause its not up to me
with every day more lonesome doubt


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

new way of dealing with valentine's day: serving in humility

well....among other ways.

and no, it couldnt get more depressing than delivering flowers to girls on valentine's day while riding in a mini-van by yourself listening to an Oldies station that is only playing love songs... on top of the obvious fact that you have no one to give anything to or spend time with in a special or intimate setting, which you are constantly reminded of by everyone around you, either by word or deed. im glad its over. the loathing has increased. i know....apparently that was possible...who knew?



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

every single word I said
would come out insightful or brave or smooth or charming
and you'd want to call me

but for now I'll look so longingly
waiting...
for you to want me, for you need me, for you to notice me


let’s just watch the tides they grow
the wind is coming from the side
we are sleeping in the light
feel like waking up in your house some day
part of me does
cant say it will ever be the same
cant say i want it to be
i know i wont be the same
it wont be a full recovery
we've said what was needed
but definitely not all
some will just rest inside
never to come out
afraid what form they might take
i wont try to hurt you
despite vindication and retaliation
i once felt i needed and wanted
so badly

dont know where we go
dont know what i do
but im sure ill figure it out
until then

i still sleep with the lights on
i still stay up late alone
i still have regrets overshadowed



when i first came to know you, you raised me up
yet again, you prove your faithfulness



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

anxious, i wait
not happily anticipating
disturbed spirit
the blood rush
heart races
para- to sympathetic
confident to uneasy
peace and joy
to rage, anger and disgust
i wont back down
it wont be easy
i never said i would be alone
i wont be able to make it if i am
the tests are coming
the supports have been raised
the hand of grace and peace
rests on my shoulder


my knees are getting sore....
wouldnt have it any other way though

"without humility there can be no humanity" - John Buchan


Parvum parva decent



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

Not much for conversation, I still find need to pray.
Sometimes I get tired of walking through these ordinary days.
If nothing else I get to see you even if we never speak.
The harm of words is sometimes we don't quite know what they really mean.

i dont know where
i dont know how
i dont know why
but your love can make these things better...
your love does make these things better
you are all i have to hold on to

soul was restless for redemption
feet were lookin' for a place to stand
well, i ain’t got no life
and you know i ain’t got no money
just the faith of an empty hand

amazing grace, i feel you comin' up slowly now
like the sun is risin', heat on my face
oh, love that keeps on shinin', don’t let the shadow come
you know i gotta feel your healin' rays


and a hush falls over the room
a silent salute...

filled with the love i havent earned
i dont deserve it
but i need it more than ever
it is all that keeps me going
you are the fire in my veins
you are the warmth in my heart


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

I stand out like a spoon with a bunch of forks
or like Shaq hangin' out with a bunch of dwarves,
don't fit in anywhere 'cause I'm not your normal average ordinary regular person,
I've made a choice not to conform


such joy
its unspeakable
its unfathomable
but its wonderful


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

the shuffle was toggled
arent you supposed to be random?
how is this random?
how is this what you come up with?
how could this possibly be the first song that comes up out of over 1500 songs?
not so much how, but why!?
why did you have to bring up the song which will torment and torture me for years....again
i thought i had moved on from those days
i thought i knew better
i thought i had been there and had come out on top
i never thought i would need it again
i didnt think it would sing to my heart
i didnt want to have to feel that again
but here i am
the random selection picks the most dreaded of all on the playlist
what can i do but move on
i will not let this pull me down
it isnt worth it anymore

where will i be when i stop wondering why

and for the million hours that we were
well I'll smile and remember it all
then I'll turn and go
while your story's completed mine is a long way from done


relying fervently and completely...



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would
Let it go
Surrender
Dislocate

If I could throw this
Lifeless lifeline to the wind
Leave this heart of clay
See you walk, walk away
Into the night
And through the rain
Into the half-light
And through the flame

If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I’d lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light
And to the day

To let it go
And so fade away

Wide awake
I’m not sleeping

If you should ask then maybe they’d
Tell you what I would say
True colors fly in blue and black
Bruised silken sky and burning flag
Colors crash, collide in blood shot eyes

If I could, you know I would

Let it go...

This desperation
Dislocation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation
Let it go

And so fade away



in its place, fraternity and love...

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

tear it down
all that i have
all that means anything to me
take it away
pile it up and burn

then there will be room
there are many wounds to heal
i dont want you to cover scars
i want you to heal the cause

there are trials ahead
much like the trials behind
you have always been there
you have always held me close

in these trials i may be stabbed in the back
i may be spit upon or beaten
i may fall and be dragged through the dust
the sand will stick to my tear-soaked cheeks
the blood will pool and dry
i will collapse an cry

be with me
hold me
be my hope to carry on
as i pick up the pieces



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

tear it down
all that i have
all that means anything to me
take it away
pile it up and burn

then there will be room
there are many wounds to heal
i dont want you to cover scars
i want you to heal the cause

there are trials ahead
much like the trials behind
you have always been there
you have always held me close

in these trials i may be stabbed in the back
i may be spit upon or beaten
i may fall and be dragged through the dust
the sand will stick to my tear-soaked cheeks
the blood will pool and dry
i will collapse an cry

be with me
hold me
be my hope to carry on
as i pick up the pieces



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

the hardest thing ive ever had to say happened to be one of the shortest
but it still took me almost an hour to spit out what i was really thinking and feeling
its not easy to say no
regret may be around the corner
but i think it was the right thing nonetheless
its not easy to say no
especially to you


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

And I know you bore our sorrows
And I know you feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained
And I know that I am only lashing out
At the One who loves me most
And after I figured this, somehow
All I really need to know
Is if You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time

We can't see what's ahead
And we can not get free of what we've left behind
I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All the words of shame and doubt, blame and regret
I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here
Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led
And so You've been here all along I guess
It's just Your ways and You are just playing hard to get


For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our etes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.


i am pressed but not crushed,
persecuted, not abandoned
struck down but not destroyed


on this law he meditates day and night...


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

you could even slit my throat
and with my one last gasping breath
i'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt


i dont want it to mean this much to me
anymore


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

once a man thinks he stands upright and secure
then must he be careful
for then shall he fall


If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with his hand.
psalm 37:23-24



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

Do you really wanna know me, not just where I live?
Do you really want to know, not just by the color of my skin?
Do you really want to know me, not just by the things I did?
If you really got to know me, it might take a little time...

Cause I am more than what I look like
I am more than where I've been
I am more than what they say about me
I'm more, I'm more than what you see...


if you do, it will take time
the walls are up
the gates are closed
access to the inside is restricted
only approved individuals are welcome

ill still be nice, ill still be kind
ill still be fun, ill still be crazy
but thats the outside
it will take a lot to make me open up

if it really means something to you,
if you really care
then you wont be discouraged by this

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

so many nights wasted poisoning myself
guess i just hated the emptiness i felt
to be excepted you gotta look like they do
but you held your hand out and took me just as I am

your love is like candy
like something ive never tasted before
and you take me places
i never dreamed i could go
oh ive been laughed at and broken in two
and ive felt the wrath that words of hate can do

ive been stranded and left standing in the rain
but you picked my head up and carried me away from this place

your loves like candy like something ive never tasted before
and you take me places i never dreamed i could go
and where would i be without you
where would i go without you


Lord I need your strength
'Cause I am weak and falling to my knees.
Who is on my side?
'Cause I can't tell my friends from enemies.
Filling up with pain.
Bitterness controls the air I breathe.
What am I fighting for?
Do you have a plan for me?


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

the snow is on fire
first sight
the world still rests
the horizon is burning
an unfathomable fire
beautiful and amazing
the snow is on fire

tree tops aflame
red hot burning ice
freezing and flying
thinking and sighing
such love i dont deserve
such wonder at all you do

no matter where i am
no matter what i do
loving hands to guide me
arms to hold me tight
i wasnt trying to get away from you
it never works when i try

all this but a fingerprint
to stand witness
to fill with awe
to open the eyes of the blind

the snow is on fire
the ice burns bright
the horizon a wall of flame
whatever it takes
continue to bring me back
in the big
in the small
use it all to remind

the snow is on fire




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

life lesson #337:
when walking around or under trees following an ice storm, be attentive to the branches and the area above your head. all too easily a concussion or laceration-inducing ice chunk could find you.


life lesson #338:
God gave you a mouth and a digestive system for a reason. if you dont use it by failing or opting to not eat repeatedly, your body will begin to break down. subsequently, you will feel the side effects. starving is not a good way to lose weight. being too busy or not having anyone to eat with are not suitable excuses either...




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

i wouldnt be able to let go if i didnt trust that you would catch me
your thoughts are higher than mine
no matter how i stretch, i cant comprehend you

like a single solitary tree left standing after a hurricane,
i am alone

yet as i look at the destruction around my feet
i remember that there is only one reason i am still standing after the storm
i have strong roots, and these roots go deep

not everyone knows the tree illustration
but you should know it's all about foundation
dont build your house on the sandy land
find some bedrock
and drill deep.



i stand awe
i kneel in humility
i fall down in worship


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

in high seas or low seas
i will be your friend
in high tide or in low tide
ill be by your side


if you return to the Almighty, you will be restored


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

I have in my hands two boxes,

Which God gave me to hold.

He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box,

And all your joys in the gold."

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,

Both my joys and sorrows I stored,

But though the gold became heavier each day,

The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black,

I wanted to find out why,

And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,

Which my sorrows had fallen out by.


I showed the hole to God, and mused,

"I wonder where my sorrows could be!"

He smiled a gentle smile and said,

"My child, they're all here with me."

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,

Why the gold and the black with the hole?

"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,

The black is for you to let go."



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

Open my eyes, my life is scattered on the floor
I walked away from you so long that I could not hear your voice.
Oh my tears that I cried I left them laying on your heart
And now I'm here with you again, can we pick up from the start.

(Chorus:)
All I have and all I need is everything You gave to me
I bitter way so now I'm picking up the pieces once again.

I'm falling to my knees that is where I saw Your hand
I've been here way too many times,
I can't belive You'd take me back
And all the tears that I've cried,
Never touched the ground and
Now I'm here with what is left
Will You build me up again?


great song...



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now
Saying it'll be alright

i miss my friend



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

i gave you the best i had
i gave you all i had
more than ever before
open and exposed like never before
i said i wouldnt let it happen
but i did
never more complete
never more comfortable
never more loved and appreciated and accepted

never more vulnerable


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

lets never talk about this again
because i didnt want it to mean that much to me
but i cant help it
it keeps coming back
the more i think about it the worse it becomes
trying to get rid of it just makes me want it
wanting it makes me miserable
being miserable makes me sad
and depressed
and mad at the world

im not saying it is your fault
im not saying anything
its just not easy
being me
with you being you
so near




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

she wants to save you with her bandages
after she makes you bleed
the last person you want
the only one to fill the need
heard it before, know it by heart
coming from her,
it feels more like a knife
piercing you again and again




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

the desire to feel loved is the last illusion

let it go and you will be free

the dawn of trust requires release

the insecurities and need for attention and love must be let go

it must be approached as a secondary support

love on earth is great, but pales in comparison

if we are truly filled with God's unconditional and unfathomable love,

we should be secure

we shouldnt be caught up in earthly love

it shouldnt be one of our chief desires to have others love us or give us attention and affection

we are not called to be hermits

we are called to love God and glorify Him in our actions

once we love Him and He fills us with His love,

then we will be able to experience love on earth to the fullest

without His love, none of this will satisfy.

it will only bind us and restrict us.




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

no, really....
its ok
dont worry
im used to people being "too busy" by now
i wont take it personally
never do


i forgot you werent there anymore


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and! reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but few would buy them because they think that they would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer!


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

apparently the top 8 questions that all men dread have been posted online....
they are funny....and interesting. im not going to comment on their personal relevance to me or if i completely agree, just post them for the female readers and see what they think. or maybe they will make them think twice the next time they ask them

ok i changed my mind. im going to add a little explanation/description from my perspective and experience. but im not going to specify a situation like they do online, just so that you can imagine all the different scenarios....


"what are you thinking?"
(if you have to ask, you probably dont want to know. depends on the situation. he my want to tell you or he might need to tell you, but the fact that he isnt telling you or isnt talking about it is clearly on purose. you bringing it up will most likely only make it worse, both the situation and his psychological turmoil, whatever it is.)

"Where is our relationship going?"
(he is most likely thinking about this on his own or forcing himself to not think about it depending on what his intentions and plans are. its not that you cant ask this question, but there are a lot of situations where you shouldnt ask this. if you do, you will get a response that you probably dont want to hear. and it may not be the truth either. example: right after he woke up, while he is pissed, after making out/hooking up/etc... or in an altered state (with the aid of alcohol). in these and other situations, his response will be effected by the environment and his current temperament.)

"Do you love me?"
(you should know the answer. either way. if you dont feel loved and you want him to express it more verbally or physically or in a different way, express this. but say it that way, not so bluntly. dont ask it just to pd you stats or make yourself feel better. dont do it to make it seem like you are above him in some way. most guys will not like being put on the spot with that question. there is a lot of presumption and negative animosity subliminally implied in that question. he will automatically feel attacked and will get defensive. it makes him feel like he isnt doing a good enough job or there is someone else that you think might do a better job. forcing him back into a corner with subliminally attacking and negatively implicating questions will only reap angry and defensive responses. or a meek response that he feels is being forced out of him. and if you are forcing him to say "i love you" the he will begin to mean it less and less every time he says it.)

"Am I fat?"
(this or any variation of this question is just unfair to men. i mean...come on. it is a losing situation. no answer is right. im not going to get into details and specifics with this one, but it should be obvious. dont put us in that position. if you are feeling insecure and want to know his opinion about body types and sizes and whatnot, why not inquire on what he thinks of another girl and then compare in your own mind, like you do continuously in your subconscious. be careful how you word it though. if he feels like this is some pop quiz of fidelity or if he loves you or something, then you will not get a good or truthful answer, if you get one at all.)

"How many times have you had sex?"
(hmm. well. i cant really speak from experience on this one. but i do kinda know the discomfort that a guy would feel if he was asked this. a guy's sex life and sexual history are his private business and if he wants to share with you what he has been through, then he should do it on his own accord and not based on a question from you forcing him to let you know. if the guy is a Christian and/or a virgin, he probably doesnt want to talk about that part of his life at all because it either isnt something that he is proud of in his life or it may have been a different part of his life before he met Christ or got serious about his faith. and some guys in our society almost feel ashamed or embarassed to admit they are still virgins and havent had sex yet in a culture that glorifies it so much and has no boundaries regarding it. im not saying that a guy should hide something from you. and you have a right to ask. if you are in a sexually active relationship, you shouldnt be asking to find out about his experience. if you are having sex, im sure you can figure it out pretty quick. on the other hand, you shouldnt ask it this way if you are trying to figure out if he is a "good" sex partner. as him straight up if he has any STDs or something like that which you should know about. you have a right to that information. beyond that, most guys dont want to tell you about their sexual past. the good, the bad, or the ugly. and if you ask it in a flirtatious way, the guy will probably imbelish or make up stories to impress you and get you in bed, since you are putting out those vibes of interest and possibility. anyways. that is enough from me.)

"Do you want to meet my parents?"
(i kinda disagree with this question and the explanation they give on the website. i mean...yes i have been through that. it is terrifying having to meet a girl's parents for the first time. you figure they are going to kill you when she walks out the room or ask you some question that will make you look stupid or embarass you or something. so yes. it is intimidating and scary. but at the same time, if he cares, he will probably want to meet them. if he is serious, he will be willing to deal with the scariness to meet them and learn about where you come from so that he can know more about you. if his intentions are good and wholesome, then he wont mind. he will welcome the opportunity. he will be scared and anxious, most likely....but he will still go.)

"What should we do for Valentine's Day?"
(grrrrr. i hate this day. with a passion. a lot of guys do. dont make it worse by forcing or expecting him to come up with plans. dont expect diamonds and roses and chocolate and a car or something. any man who is not a sheep and slave to Hallmark will hate the concept of buying merchadise for a made-up holiday in order to "prove" with money that he loves someone. too much pressure. too much stress. im not saying take over his God-given responsibility to be the leader in the relationship, just dont put pressure on him to make plans. he may or may not be thinking about it already. but the fact that you are thinking about it will only add to the stress.)

"How much do you weigh?"
(ummm, the website's explanation is that men are just as sensitive about their weight as women are. hmm must have been a woman writing it. cause this is not true. we may think about it. we may think about what other people think about our appearance or if we look athletic or attractive. but as far as specific weights and losing a certain number of pounds and eating water and croutons to stay alive, the only guys i know that do that are wrestlers. and they are kinda nuts. so, as much as we would rather you be up-front and honest with us, dont just say "hey you look like you have gained about 20lbs!" because we will react negatively to that. but we dont care as much as girls do in general. body image and attractiveness is a factor to a certain extent. different levels of importance for different guys.)

sigh. ok i guess that is it. i hope this psychological/sociological/gender interaction studies lecture was beneficial for your interactions with the men in your life. think before you speak.




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make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall
but there's always someone cooler than you


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all those comments ready
witty comebacks
sarcastic responses
all in the arsenal
waiting to be pulled from the holster
why do you have to make me regret my restraint?



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if you dont want to hear the lies
dont listen to my eyes
dont bother
be like the rest
assume all is fine
and walk on



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maybe its just the cold air in my face....
at least that's what ill say



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there's nothing you can do to deserve it
you dont have to earn his love
as it falls like rain, dont stay inside
soak up his loving mercy
wet clothes with a peaceful heart


so long sweet summer
i stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays
so long sweet slumber
i fell into you and now youre gracefully falling away
hey thanks
thanks for that summer
its cold where youre going
i hope that your heart is always warm
i gave you the best
i gave you the best i had
and passed on the letters
and pased on the best that i had
so
so long sweet summer

blood and warmth
will you return to my hands
so that i can make a fist
so that i can feel
so that i can wipe my cheeks
and not make ice



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

sooner or later this cold is gonna break so my hands can be warm again
all i want is not to need you now
all i want from you is vows of silence now
this ruined puzzle
the pieces dont fit well
hand me that hammer
bent and broken, ill put the pieces back together...



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

there is a darkness which comes from excess of light, and then is the time to listen.



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

sometimes im a liar
sometimes im a fake
sometimes im a hypocrite everybody hates
sometimes im a poet
sometimes im a preacher
sometimes i watch life go by sitting in the bleachers

there were times when things were dark
and ive been known to miss the mark
but someone fixed my aim


i want to hate you
i need to dislike you
i would love to distance you
it would be great to disappear
run away
never return
never speak again
but i cant do that

it would be a way of dealing with the situation
maybe if i ignore you
act like we never met
act like you dont still have my heart
as if you were just another girl
i happened to meet
with sand in my shoes

maybe then i wouldnt care
maybe then i wouldnt churn with anger and pain
but i cant
i cant hate you
and i cant love you
He has given me a peace that i cant fathom

it clearly is not of me
otherwise i would be filled with anger and pain
and hatred

so the truth
it would hurt less and would be easier if i could just move on
pretend to hate you, never talk to you,
ignore and avoid you as much as possible
completely supress and neglect those emotions and feelings
i have done it for so long, it wouldnt be too foreign to do it once again
and as before, let those feelings build up and boil and fester until they explode
it may be next year, it may be five years from now

i feel this is what God is helping me with
somehow he is showing me the right way to go about this
i cant express it
and i dont have the words to express it
i dont want to talk about it right now

just know that no matter how much i wanted to totally take you out of my life, it isnt possible and God isnt letting me do that either, for whatever reason. i still dont know how to act around you. it still hurts. so many times thoughts flash through my mind, i see or hear something that reminds me of you, i look through pictures or i read your words written on purple paper with a vision of my future. so many times i break inside. i cant even pour out all that i feel because i dont know where to point the valve.

there are so many things i want to tell you
so many things i want to share
so many questions
so much confusion and pain and anger
all of which is being healed

God is so great
and i am not

this is so hard
i just want to scream
but i will just shake my head
and return to prayer
that's the only way things will get better

but i dont hate you
and as tempting as it has been
and as much as i wanted to
i didnt intend to stop talking to you when i found out
at least not forever
like i told you a long time ago:
"i might get mad at you, but i can't hate you"
at one time i didnt even think the former was possible
but...
as Chris says:
"My heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer."

"When once we get intimate with Jesus we are never lonely, we never need sympathy, we can pour out all the time without being pathetic."
"When God gets us alone by...heartbreak...disappointment...a broken friendship...then He begins to expound."
-Oswald Chambers

He follows us, pursues us, draws us to Himself so he can forgive us and we can glorify Him. This is His desire for us.


hate is a strong word
so is goodbye



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and ive poured my heart out
but it's evaporated

this may be the last time that i see you
forgive me for holding you close


It's all about you, Jesus.
And all this is for you,
for your glory and your fame.
It's not about me,
as if you should do things my way.
You alone are God and I surrender to your ways.


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

with the preparation to switch computers and leave behind the one i have used for the past two and a half years, there are a lot of transitions. there are a lot of things i need to do. i need to make sure i have all the files off of this computer. music, papers, pictures, presentations.

the hardest is to read through my collection of away messages. what a highly varied spectrum of emotions and feelings mixed with craziness at times. its a great collection of away messages, but so many of them hurt to read. many were never even used, but that doesnt mean that there wasnt a great deal of emotion and sincerity wrapped up in them. maybe its best that i dont take it with me. i need to leave it for now.



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

kieslowski, you are brilliant.
you have captured the essence of despair, pain, suffering, disbelief and anger
you have shown us what it means to be at the end of your rope and not know where to look or where to turn
you have given us a glimpse of what it means to hurt

in this, there is the essence of revenge
there is the plot to share this pain
to give back what one has been dealt
an incredible plot to strike back
to make her hurt and cry more than ever before
and why
just to know that you were loved
to get that final answer you desire
to get that resolution

you cried at my funeral

why?


in my mind, it stays up to par with the rest of the trilogy

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

dashboard sings to me again:
the end of an anchor
a plain morning


and as far as chris connelly thinking that chris carraba sucks and that only 14 year old girls like him, maybe he needs to go through some tough times so that he can appreciate listening to someone who believes what they are singing. so that he can sympathize with what chris is going through. so that he can scream and yell and cry right along with chris and fog the windshield with pain-choked words. chris isnt the solution. God is the solution. only through Him can things really get fixed. but at that time when you have nowhere else to turn and no release for all that is inside, chris is a great therapist. so yes. i like him. he is a great artist, musician and an honest human being. his music moves me.




any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

actually....
as if never experienced before
as if all else was pretense

no. i will not let him take a foothold. i will not let this get to me and ruin what i have worked so hard for. i have been through so much. you have brought me through this. help me keep him from destroying me once again. i will not be weak. i will not fall prey again. You are my strength and my song.

give me your peace
give me your grace



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

wow

i mean wow.

i dont think i can sum the past week up much better than that.
except for maybe with "yahtzee" or "tadashi" or "got 'em" or "yeah, you did"

i cant really express everything that has happened in the past week. God has taken me on a roller coaster. it started with some stubborness on my part which turned into humility and willingness after He broke me. from there to a whole range of emotions and feelings. but in the past week he has led me through some incredible experiences and shown himself to me in a way that i have not experienced in a long time.

on top of all of this, by being willing to be humble and listen to Him and accept a gracious invitation, i was able to spend some wonderful time with some great people. meeting new people and having a great time. having people think i was funny and fun and crazy and smart and even attractive was a bonus that i would have never expected, but it really was about being in God's nature and his presence with other believers who are awesome men and women of God and who like to have fun.

all i have to say is that i had a great time, on the slopes and off, and i am very thankful to everyone there for being so welcoming and friendly. outgoing personalities only go so far, people have to be willing to step outside their personal comfort zones as well. id especially like to thank john for inviting me, in spite of everything. and the fact that he had a good enough understanding of my personality and how i relate to people to know that i would not be phased at all by being with 10 other people that know each other very well, 7 of whom ive never met before. it all worked out. and im very thankful for the opportunity and for everything that happened.

couple notes:
perudo (irish, homestar, french, southern, gay)
ssssssteve
workout video with the feeshy feesh (russian, french, japanese, ninja, monkey, ballet, yoga, tae bo, layout)
jason
leonardo di caprio
-40 degrees
fanny pack
thong song
iPod
80s mix
concussions/whiplash
dirty hick
damn yankee
clyde
communist flask
nekked
trivial pursuit
psychology lecture in the living room
goats
stout and hot sauce
snow bunny
hot showers.....right...how about 10 degree floors?
suzie
sweet swirling onion rings
oh mylanta
MD
halo
satelite dish
stupid pool rules
massages....for real....
yikes
russian monkeys
yahtzee


so much more.....man what a great week. miss vt already and all you guys. take it easy.

as for the development in my walk.....incredible.

but i guess the extent of that is for me to know and you to witness in my actions....

or it should be.

we will see.



9 days.



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

If I was someone you love
You'd be shaken by now
If I was someone you need we'd be better now
If I was someone you cared for
You'd be holdin' me
They say you'll do the damndest things you
Could ever think of
For someone you love
It ain't easy but it's worth it in the end


right, phil, right......



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

familiar trip
similar route
different impetus
different motivation

and yes i know those are redundant statements, i used them for effect.

feeling the same things all over again
singing the same lines all over again

yikes here we go.


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

how 'bout 'dem apples?
even after all this crap
still making it happen
so you can suck on it


almost dean's


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

from spoken:

Yet another day seems like it’s wasted
You don’t feel you’re any closer to the prize
A dead end job where there’s no future
Praying that tomorrow things won’t be this way
Things will get better this I promise you
And I know that you won’t feel this way forever
Things will get better this I promise you
And I know loneliness won’t last forever
Yet another day, another tired morning
You’re catching up to your intentions
You’re thinking life has to be easier than this
Maybe tomorrow things won’t be this way
Loneliness won’t last forever
I promise with all that’s in me to leave this emptiness behind

from switchfoot:

When I wake in the morning
I want to blow into pieces
I want more than just okay, more than just okay

When I'm up with the sunshine
I want more than just a good time
I want more than just okay, more than just okay

I'm not givin' up, givin' up now
I'm not givin' up, not backing down

More than fine, more than bent on getting by
More than fine, more than just okay

When I'm lit with sunrise
I want more than just the blue skies
I want more than just okay, more than okay

More than oceans away from the dawn
More than oceans away from who we are


and this bitter pill is leaving you with such an angry mouth

any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

as i scream in rage and fury and my head explodes from the pain, its quick trip to the ground is only beaten by the fragments of a broken heart, freshly glued and taped back together, as it is smashed over and over again with the hammer that has made me bruise and bleed so many times before.

i have no words for this pain. no expression for this rage. no ability to organize these feelings into a systematic reaction.


what's up now Job, what's up now?


all at once the ghosts come back

oh tears of rage
tears of anguish
stay down
stay away
i cannot restrain you
i cannot control you
i cannot hold you back

i cannot fathom
i cannot comprehend
these knives plunge deep
i rot with this aching pain
unexpected brokenness
i cannot deal with this

but You can
yet again, I turn
and all that I am left with is You

my wings are broken
can i rest under yours?



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

I've this creeping
Suspicion that things are not as they seem
Reassure me
Why do I feel as if I'm in too deep
I've been praying
For some way to show them
I'm not what they see
Yes I have done wrong
But what I did I thought needed be done
I swear
Unholy day

If I leave now I might get away
This weighs on me
As heavy as stone and as blue as I go
I was just wondering if you'd come along
To hold up my head when my head won't hold on
I'll do the same if the same's what you want
If not I'll go
I will go alone
I'm a long way
From that fool's mistake and now forever pay
No, run
I will run and I'll be ok


Maybe I'm crazy
But laughing out loud
Makes the pain pass by
And maybe you're a little crazy
But laughing out loud makes it all subside
Holding I'm holding
I'm still falling
Spoon in spoon
Stirring my coffee


And have you called me there way before
And I leave this song with you
Feeling colder
than I ever have
She won't be my lady
And some of you fall

*classic dave, classic*


You may write me down in history
With your bitter twisted lies
You may trod me down in the very dirt
And still like the dust I'll rise
Does my happiness upset you
Why are you best with gloom
Cause I laugh like I've got an oil well
Pumpin' in my living room

So you may shoot me with your words
You may cut me with your eyes
And I'll rise
I'll rise

*amen ben*


not fire, not ice.....

but which burns more.....


any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

my sighs they reign victorious and fog this tinted glass.
it's clouded and so is my head.
the hint of these new tears is sharp, i try to choke them back
its useless. im useless against them. they're beating me with ease.
on the way home, this car hears my confessions
i think tonight ill take the long way...



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu

So this is odd,
The painful realization that has all gone wrong.
And nobody cares at all

So you buried all your lover's clothes
And burned the letters lover wrote,
But it doesn't make it any better.

So this is strange,
Our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
Where nobody leads at all,
Where nobody leads at all.

And the picture frames are facing down
And the ringing from this empty sound
Is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
And breathing is a foreign task
And thinking's just too much to ask
And you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.

This is incredible.
Starving, insatiable,
Yes, this is love for the first time.
Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
Well this is the last time.

~thanks chris for putting it in words


---------------------------------------
I'm raising up my voice
to the walls and to the sky
it seeks no explanation
it waits for no reply
really it is nothing
just a cry to the wilds

~david knows what's up

----------------------------------------
I've seen love go by my door
It's never been this close before
Never been so easy or so slow
I've been shooting in the dark too long
When something not right it's wrong

Suddenly I turned around and she was standing there
With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair
She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns

Now there's a wall between us something there's been lost
I took too much for granted got my signals crossed
Just to think that it all began on a long-forgotten morn

I've heard newborn babies wailing like a mourning dove
And old men with broken teeth stranded without love
Do I understand your question man is it hopeless and forlorn
"Come in" she said
"I'll give you shelter from the storm".

~thanks bob
---------------------------------------

Everywhere and every way, Every moment of the day It is the right time
For the father above, He is listening with love, And he wants to answer us


keep the vital communication paths open, dont focus on the secondary



any and all comments or responses are welcome at dabele@wm.edu